


Blooming Scenery

by smoll_jane



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Artists, Alternate Universe - Flower Shop, Anxiety Attacks, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-20
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2020-01-20 20:44:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 34,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18532825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smoll_jane/pseuds/smoll_jane
Summary: In a life where Junhui doesn’t know how to trust anymore and banned all kind of art, he’ll be forced to deal with the sudden appearance of Minghao, a painter now installed at the flower shop where Junhui is working.Or, Junhui learns how to trust again.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey dear! If you chose to click on this fic, I can promise you won’t regret it. I’ve basically put my whole heart in writing this and I hope you’ll like it as much as I enjoyed creating it.
> 
> English is not my mother tongue sooo please understand that there could be some mistakes, typos or a lack of vocabulary. I’ll get better for my next story!
> 
> Enjoy!

Groupchat : Blooming Scenery

 

Wonwoo : i've got a new that can be either good or bad, your choice

Seokmin : spill the tea!

Wonwoo : we're gonna have to collaborate with 3 new people from tomorrow

Wonwoo : they're artists and need a workshop for a while

Seungkwan : as long as I remember we're not a shelter

Wonwoo : one of them is my friend please it's only for a few weeks

Jisoo : jun won't like it...

 

~

 

Groupchat : The kicked out crew

 

Mingyu : bad new guys

Hansol : ?

Minghao : isn't our life already a bad new?

Mingyu : hao sweetie sit down please

Mingyu : i found us a workplace

Mingyu : it's a flower shop

Minghao : i hope it's a joke

Mingyu : it's not

Hansol : oh oh

Minghao : don't wish to see me ever again

 

~

 

Despite his reluctances, Minghao came. He couldn't avoid the tinglings in his fingertips. He's been craving to paint for two months, and the sketches in his notebooks stopped being enough a long time ago. He woke up early, met Mingyu and Hansol, and they're now facing a kingdom of flowers. Minghao needs to manage himself to not throw up because of how cheesy this shop looks. It's, for sure, the last place he'd imagine working at. If he wasn't carrying heavy boxes, he'd run away immediately and never come back. Six eyes are staring at him and his colleagues while the boss, Wonwoo, is introducing them. He doesn't even try to remember the names, the only question harassing his mind is "where is there place to paint?". The shop is not big, and the whole space is invaded with bouquets and vases.

 

He won't last long there.

 

~

 

Junhui loves this weather. The sun, despite the few clouds, shines happily on his skin, a light breeze stroking his hair. If he wasn't in Seoul, he could hear the birds singing their happy melody. But he's satisfied like that. When he pushes the doors of the flower shop open, he needs a second to adapt to the light because of his sunglasses, and doesn't immediately see the foreigners in the shop.

 

-Hello beautiful things! I've got coffee for every... one. Oh. Do we have new suppliers?

 

He does a quick analysis of the situation : three men, carrying lots of boxes, his colleagues, looking half intrigued half desperate, and Wonwoo, between them, looking fully desperate for him. For Junhui. But why? Here's the question he chooses to keep in mind. Sliding his sunglasses on the top of his head, he notices the disgusted look one of the stranger, a tall and skinny black-haired guy is giving him. What's his problem?

 

-Jun... you haven't checked your messages since yesterday, right? asks his boss.

 

Oh. That's right. Wonwoo tells the intruders to follow him in the back shop and the florists are now alone. Junhui takes his phone out and quickly checks his notifications. After a few seconds, he looks up to his quiet friends.

 

-Shit. Is that true?

 

Seungkwan is the first one who dares to nod. His two friends are ready to hide and run away from Jun's storm.

 

-No, no, no. It's a joke, huh? Wonwoo can't be serious. He can't do that to us. He can't do that to me. I'll tell him that he can't-

 

-Jun! Please... don't. We already begged him to refuse. We can't change his mind. Mingyu is his friend.

 

Jisoo is clinging on the lilac-haired man's arm to stop him from making a scene in the back shop. Junhui raises an eyebrow.

 

-Mingyu? Who is Mingyu?

 

-The tallest one.

 

Jun takes his arm back and sighs. But after putting down the cups of coffee he's been holding since his entrance, the smirk on his face makes Seokmin, Seungkwan and Jisoo shiver.

 

-Okay, but I won't make it easy for them. They'll have to deserve their place here.

 

~

 

It's a hundred time worst than he thought it would be. Minghao looks at the tiny area Wonwoo had the holy kindness to clear for them. The window is so small that it's equal to no window at all. He can't help but deeply sigh and puts down the boxes that have been making his back ache for almost an hour.

 

-Hansol, come with me and I'll show you where you can install your computer.

 

When Mingyu and Minghao are alone, the youngest looks at his friend with begging eyes. He whispers, afraid that he might be heard :

 

-I can't stay here Gyu. I'll suffocate in a finger snap. I can't-

 

-Minghao. We talked about it. A lot of times. If you see any other solution, go ahead, I won't hold you back. But it's the only choice we've got. Please, don't get on my nerves, I looked for any opportunity, and here we are. End of the conversation.

 

Mingyu leaves him alone and goes back to the front shop.

 

-Stupid flowers.

 

Minghao opens the boxes containing his stuff and can't help but smile at the view of his paintbrushes and paint tubes. He missed them. As soon as he opens a tube to smell his favorite scent in the world, a voice makes him startle :

 

-You better not come too close of the flowers with your poison. Wonwoo might be okay with your presence, but I'm not. So if you think you'll live there like divas, go ahead, but don't hope for me to let you ruin this place.

 

The purple-haired guy is leaning on the door frame, arms crossed on his chest. He's ridiculous. Minghao doesn't even want to answer, but he's got a reputation to keep.

 

-Working with idiots like you is the last thing I imagined in my life. Don't be afraid for your precious little flowers, I won't approach them as long as you don't make a step in this zone.

 

Junhui hisses and leaves the place.

 

~

 

At lunch time, the florists, excepting Wonwoo, gather at their usual restaurant, and the quest for informations starts.

 

-Where are these guys from? I don't understand what their job is... asks Jun.

 

-The only thing I know is that Wonwoo is friend with Mingyu, who seems to be the "boss" if they can have one, replies Seokmin.

 

Seungkwan sighs and gulps down his rice before giving his friends the detective-Boo looks they know so well.

 

-I've got more.

 

-Spill the tea lord Boo! begs Seokmin with a bow that makes his nose touch the table.

 

-You're really lacking of informations. Minghao, the skinny one, and Mingyu, are painters. Hansol, the other one, is a kind of manager, he's in charge of the communication on social medias, and I think he's got a hacker job too even if he doesn't say it out loud. They got kicked out of their last workshop because they couldn't pay the rent, and hehe! Here they are!

 

-Invading us with their toxic paint and presence..., mumbles Junhui.

 

-You asked Wonwoo, right? asks Jisoo after throwing a reprimanding look at Jun.

 

-I, absolutely, asked Wonwoo, nods Seungkwan with a satisfied smile.

 

Despite Jun's angriness that didn't ease from the morning, they all burst out laughing and hopefully finish eating in a happy mood.

 

When they come back to the store, Seungkwan and Jisoo stay in the front shop while Junhui and Seokmin go to the workshop. Minghao, still there, listening to music with earphones, doesn't hear them and stays focused on his canvas.

 

-Do you want to help me for the wedding's order? asks Junhui.

 

Seokmin nods and they both start working on their floral arrangements. After a long moment of peace, Minghao finally looks up of his painting and see the two men. Without a flinch, he stands up and leaves the room, taking a cigarettes pack out of his pocket.

 

-And on top of that he's smoking! I can't stand him. I'm...

 

-Jun, you're crashing this flower in your hand.

 

-Oh... I...

 

-Why do you hate him so much? You barely know his name.

 

Jun shakes his head and takes a deep breath, showing his best smile to Seokmin.

 

-Don't worry. I just need to deal with it.

 

The youngest one shrugs and goes back to his work. But he doesn't notice Junhui's mumblings in Chinese.

 

-I won't be able to stand this dickhead more than two days. If he wants to ruin this place with his poisonous scents I'll make him pay for it. Friend or not, Wonwoo won't have a choice. I-

 

-You know, I'm Chinese too.

 

The lilac-haired drops his scissors and straightens up to discover Minghao in the door frame. The look he is giving him is cold, angry. When he looks down on his hands, Jun sees his knuckles white on the cigarettes pack. He made him furious. But he doesn't care. At all.

 

-I can say it in Korean if you want, so that everyone will be aware of what I'm thinking of you.

 

-You don't need to disrespect me. You don't know what I'm capable of if-

 

-Jun. Come to the front shop.

 

Wonwoo appeared behind Minghao like a shadow. His usual soft voice has disappeared, and his bossy side is showing off. Junhui voluntarily shoves Minghao when passing next to him and follows his boss order. Mingyu is there too, and enters the backshop, closing the door behind him.

 

Seungkwan and Jisoo are obviously trying to hide behind the counter, uselessly. Hansol is there too, working on his computer, but Wonwoo doesn't seem to care when he sticks his gaze in Jun's one.

 

-Junnie, I'm not asking that as your boss but as your friend : please, make an effort. It's important for me to help them. But if you can't act professionnal, then, I'll be forced to act as your boss.

 

Junhui flinches at the way Wonwoo says "them". Nothing is really clear in his mind about these three men popping out of nowhere, but he knows one thing for sure : his friendship with Wonwoo is more important than his disgust for them. And Seokmin was right, he doesn't know them, it's only a first impression. So he squeezes Wonwoo's arm and nods.

 

-I'll try my best. I promise.

 

When he comes back to the workshop, something has changed. The atmosphere is more tense, but not in a negative way. As if it was under control. And the way Mingyu looks at Junhui makes him believe that he got a conversation with his friend too. Wonwoo joins them to prepare their order for the wedding, and the rest of the day is spent in silence.

 

~

 

Later that night, Junhui finds himself wondering about China. He was so angry about the changes at work that he didn't even notice that Minghao was a chinese name, he didn't notice the slight accent when he talks.

 

-I can't even secretely swear in my own language now. Fuck it.

 

~

 

The next day, the sun is hidden behind heavy clouds, which makes Minghao feel light and happy. The thunder will probably honor them of his presence later in the day, and he loves that idea. A rush of inspiration suddenly runs through his veins, and he does the rest of his way by running. Out of breathe, he pushes the doors open and forgets for a second that he's supposed to hate this place.

 

Hansol greets him with a tired smile, and the florists slightly bow, not knowing what type of behavior they're supposed to use with him. When he enters the workshop, he has only eyes for the blank canvas waiting on a table and doesn't notice Junhui, hidden behind tons of multicolor flowers.

 

Minghao takes his equipment out while Junhui eyes him out. His black hair are a bit disheveled and he's breathing as if he just ran a marathon. His loose black coat waves graciously with his moves, and his long fingers rummage through his paintbrushes like a dance. When he finally straightens up and meets Jun's gaze, he freezes and they both stare at each other for a second.

 

-Oh. Hello. Haven't seen that you were there.

 

Jun shrugs and mumbles a quiet "hello". When the silence becomes too heavy, Seungkwan enters the room as a storm, slamming the door open, and freezes in the door frame for a second.

 

-Woaaaa. The atmosphere is really scary there. Turn on some music or talk, I don't know but... break this silence! I'm off.

 

The two men look at him leaving the room, and Jun can't help but chuckle. It's so Seungkwan, coming in a room for no specific reason, saying something to lighten up the mood, and leaving. Minghao gives Junhui an interrogative look. The eldest shrugs :

 

-Seungkwan.

 

~

 

In the front shop, Seungkwan can't help but turn around Hansol and his computer.

 

-So... I think we've known each other for long enough, you can tell me now. You're a hacker, right?

 

Without flinching or even taking his eyes off the screen, Hansol replies :

 

-We've known each other for less than 24 hours. And no.

 

When Seungkwan leans from behind on Hansol's shoulder to look at the screen, the youngest is forced to look away to hide his blushing.

 

-Oh come on. We're the same age, we can be friends! Don't be shy, I won't tell anybody. What do you hack?

 

Hansol makes his embarrassment look like annoyance and mumbles in his hood.

 

-I tell you I'm not a hacker. I need to work please.

 

The blonde-haired boy suddenly straightens up, leaving a cold where his body was a second earlier, and sighs.

 

-Okay okay... I see there's no trust in this place.

 

When Jisoo comes back from the street, with delivery boxes, he gives Seungkwan an exasperated look.

 

-Hansol, you're in right to tell him to stop. Consider him as younger than you, he's still a child.

 

-Hey! That's mean.

 

-But deserved, counterattacks Seokmin, following Jisoo.

 

Hansol giggles and goes back to his computer, finally in peace.

 

~

 

At some point, Junhui thought they'd be able to spend a day without talking to each other. Or rather without dissing each other. But, in the afternoon, when he is about to leave the workshop and take his shift as the cashier, Minghao can't help but squint on his pink outfit and hiss:

 

-Nice apron Lady. Gonna clean the house?

 

Jun literally throws lightnings at him in a look.

 

-I'd begin by throwing your paintings.

 

And he leaves the room.

 

~

 

Despite their efforts, they can't hide their hate for each other. During the next fifteen days that pass, provocation after provocation, they both start to think that they won't be able to work together anymore. There's not a day of peace in the tiny workshop. Junhui feels sick because of the paint smell, Minghao feels drugged by the polen scent. The room is too small. Even if there's enough place for five people to work in it, there's not enough place for Junhui _and_ Minghao.

 

The third week, the first big episode happens. And, he swears to God, Junhui didn't even do it on purpose. Because if he really wanted to, when he tripped on his foot and spilled his coffee on one of Minghao's blank canvas, he'd have ruined one of his paintings.

 

Minghao's first reflex was to ask if Junhui was okay. But he kept the words to himself, and when he saw the brown spot on his immaculate canvas, any good intention drowned, surrounded by the rage.

 

-Is that a fucking joke?! Can't you be more careful?! Do you know how much it costs? I'm really gonna-

 

Junhui's first feeling was guiltiness. He was so, so sorry. But he kept the words to himself, and when Minghao started yelling at him, any good intention drowned, surrounded by the rage.

 

-If you didn't let your stuff all over the place it wouldn't happen! I-

 

Minghao only realizes that he is about to punch Junhui when Mingyu stops him and wraps his arms around his chest. Wonwoo is protecting the scared lilac-haired guy and suddenly, Minghao is afraid of his own body. Jun's face is livid, hiding in Wonwoo's neck. As Mingyu slowly lets go of Minghao's body, the dark-haired man starts shaking and hurriedly leaves the room.

 

-Jun are you okay?

 

The guy nods and his friends enter the workshop, alerted by Minghao's running away.

 

-What's happening here?

 

-I better go and talk to him.

 

Mingyu leaves too and Seokmin, Seungkwan and Jisoo still ask silent questions. Wonwoo hugs Junhui for a second and finally gives explanations.

 

-Junnie and Minghao were fighting, he was about to hit him.

 

-WHAT?!

 

Seungkwan's scream makes everyone startle, and Hansol quietly enters the room too.

 

-He wouldn't have done it.

 

The blonde-haired boy turns to Hansol violently and forgets every allusion of friendship :

 

-How can you be so sure about that? Huh?! Do you realize how serious it is? Your friend's fucking crazy!

 

With a sigh, Hansol rubs his face and looks down on his feet.

 

-Please don't insult him. I know it, that's all. I've never seen Minghao act violently toward anybody.

 

Wonwoo's soft voice breaks the growing tension between the two youngests :

 

-Things can change. But it doesn't mean that he would have done it. We can't know. Jun, go and take a break for a while. Seungkwan, go back to the counter please. Jisoo, can you finish Junnie's order?

 

Everyone obeys, and when Junhui leaves the shop, he hears Minghao and Mingyu talking in the alleyway next to the building.

 

-I don't know Gyu! If I tell you I didn't want to... then you have to trust me, please.

 

-Minghao you can't just act like that and tell me it's nothing. What if I haven't stopped you?

 

Junhui doesn't want to know more about their conversation and makes his way to go home.

 

Once in front of his bathroom mirror, Jun doesn't know how to feel. Is he supposed to be angry, afraid of Minghao? Because actually, the only thing he thinks about is the marks in his palms. He stuck his nails in his skin. Because he, too, was about to lay a hand on Minghao. It's not him. It's not the Wen Junhui he always knew. That man is turning him crazy and he doesn't know how to change it.

 

~

 

He comes back later in the evening, when the shop has been closed many hours ago. He needs to smell the flowers and let his imagination run wild. He needs to erase the constant picture of Minghao, about to hit him. He needs to ease the heavy burden in his heart that is telling him something isn't normal.

 

As soon as he turns the lights on, Junhui finds his inner peace. The flowers are there, waiting for him. He doesn't have to be asked and immediately disappears in his world.

 

~

 

He needs to let his imagination run wild. After what happened, after the electroshock he felt in the afternoon, Minghao definitely needs to empty his mind. Empty his mind from all the questions that are harassing him. Why did he lay a hand on Junhui? Why is he acting like that when he's around? It's not the Xu Minghao he always knew. Why can't he erase the picture of his pale face hidden behind Wonwoo? The fear in his eyes...

 

Minghao is so lost in his thoughts that he doesn't notice that the lights are on. It's only when he hears the chirpings that he stops himself. He is standing in the door frame and discovers Junhui, whistling, absorbed in his floral arrangement. For the first time, Minghao notices him as a person, as a _man_. Not just as someone he hates. His lilac streaks are falling on the side when he tilts the head, his feline eyes are focused on every single details, his rosy lips whistling a sweet Chinese lullaby.

 

-I used to love this song as a child.

 

Jun's eyes widen from the petals to Minghao in a millisecond and he is so surprised and startled that he falls, disappearing behind his table. 

 

-Oh shit are you okay?

 

There's no bad intention when Minghao runs to Junhui and puts a hand on his back, kneeling next to him and looking anxious. There's no thought of hate or resentment when Junhui bursts out laughing, throwing his head back. And there's no negative thought when Minghao looks away to hide his blushing because of the cute and melodious laugh.

 

He stands up and clears his throat extending a hand for Jun to take it. When he's done with laughing, his fingers find Minghao's and strangely perfectly fit together. Finally standing in front of him, something twists in his stomach. His smile fades. His joy crashes.

 

-What are you doing here.

 

It's sounds like a statement. Junhui's late creative sessions are his small pleasure, his secret. The flower shop belongs to him at night. There can't be anyone else. Minghao's gaze hardens. The rejection in Jun's voice is obvious. When he saw him, working so passionately, he thought of apologizing for a second, he thought of forgetting their stupid rivalry. But Junhui messed everything up. He's been weak to think that maybe, they're linked by the same kind of passion, that maybe they're not so different from each other.

 

But they don't have anything in common. That's what they both think at that exact moment.

 

He doesn't need to be so rude. To always talk harshly to him. But it's stronger than Jun. As if his way to talk was a shield, a way to protect him from this intimidating guy. The chills under his skin, everytime he senses his gaze on him, the vulnerability he feels when he's too close, he can't bare it. He _has_ to keep him away.

 

Could it be sadness in his dark eyes? Did he... hurt him?

 

For a moment, they're both facing each other in silence. They're so close that they can smell each other's perfume. Flowers, of course, for Junhui, but fruits too. A mix of rose and strawberries. Despite the heady smell of tobacco and paint, Junhui can detect laundry detergent too on Minghao. Unexpectedly, this is not too bad. It's even soothing. Not knowing why, it reminds him of home, of China.

 

Minghao shakes his black streaks and chuckles. He's been stupid to think that things could change. Breaking the silence that has installed, he makes his way to the exit.

 

-Forget me, I'm leaving.

 

A draught, and Junhui is alone again. But why... why does he feel so lonely now? Working, no, creating at night has always been his favorite thing in the world. Alone, as if all the flowers of the world were begging him to make them even more beautiful. Roses, tulips, sunflowers, buttercups, daffodils, even the carnation, his favorite one, they're all waiting for them. He doesn't need anybody to be around, the flowers are enough. But why does the room seem so empty?

 

Junhui sits on his stool and whispers, rubbing his face :

 

-I'm sorry...

 

Nobody hears him.

 

 

~

 

There's this harassing question that keeps turning again and again in his mind. Minghao doesn't understand why it's so important for him. That constant need of saying something to Junhui. Since that night, they didn't talk again. The workshop has been silent for days. Mingyu is busy promoting their art in the city, Wonwoo works in his office, and the three other florists mostly work in the front shop. Minghao doesn't understand why it's so important for him to talk with Junhui. He knows he'd bee mean, but he needs it. He needs Junhui to be mean with him too.

 

It feels like the hate disappeared a bit, now there's only embarrassment. That night, he wanted to apologize for their fight, but Junhui made him angry again. And now, the only thing left between them is a heavy silence.

 

~

 

-Something's up.

 

Seungkwan is turning in the shop like a lion in cage. Seokmin could also hear the gears of his brain and see some smoke coming out of his ears.

 

-Calm down Boo. Why are you so tense?

 

When he finally stops in front of the counter and slams his hands on it, Seokmin startles on his chair, Jisoo, who was preparing a bouquet at the preparation table drops his scissors, and Hansol turns quielty to the blonde excited. He adapted really well and quickly to his mood swings, and his calm aura is relaxing everyone in the shop.

 

-First, Junhui. It's been a week since he last bought coffee-

 

-I think you don't really need it though, interrupts Jisoo.

 

-That's not the question, I don't care about coffee. The real problem is : does anybody remember the last time he called us with nicknames? Our Junnie is _sad_. Something's wrong.

 

-Sad? Like... sad, sad? No... Jun can't be...

 

-Sad. Sorry to break your dreams, but there's a negative aura around him.

 

-Isn't it Minghao?

 

The words escaped from Seokmin's mouth and everyone looks at him as if he pronounced the forbidden name. But the shock doesn't last long and Seungkwan claps in his hands :

 

-Well! I think Seokmin just said what everyone was thinking!

 

-Not me..., whispers Hansol.

 

-Now the question is : how can we change that?

 

-Seungkwan, says Jisoo softly, fiddling a stalk between his fingers, I don't think there's anything we can do.

 

-I agree, mumbles Hansol.

 

-It's not our business if they don't get along. We can only try to make Junnie happier.

 

A long silence follows and Seungkwan seems to weigh the pros and cons for a moment. After a minute, he nods and deeply sighs.

 

-But there's something else I'm wondering about-

 

At that moment, Mingyu and Wonwoo enter the shop, laughing together, cups of coffee in hands. They stop and notice the four pair of eyes on them.

 

-That's what I'm talking about, whispers Seungkwan.

 

-H-hello? Is something wrong? asks Wonwoo, obviously confused

 

-Not at all boss! We... were just talking about the nice weather, right guys? replies Seokmin with an embarrassed smile

 

-Absolutely! Haha... haha.

 

Jisoo is really bad at lying, thinks Seungkwan. But Wonwoo doesn't even listen to them, having only eyes for Mingyu who flees to the back shop. Could he be blushing? The blonde boy smirks and goes back to work like everyone else.

 

There's intersting things on the horizon.

 

~

 

-So that's what you meant by "how can we change that?". Seungkwan I don't want to-

 

-Please Hansol! You're the only one who can help me with that! I'll do whatever you want after that!

 

Till the very last minute, Hansol thought it was a date. When they left work together, when they walked to the restaurant together, when Seungkwan held the door for him. He has always been so clingy and flirty with him that he really believed it. But there he is, the blonde boy holding his hands with begging eyes. If it wasn't because of what he asked him, Hansol would blush furiously, but he's actually too confused to think about his fingers locked with his.

 

-I'm sure it can change something! Please, please, please! Do you want me to kneel and beg you?

 

The brown-haired boy takes his hands back with a loud sigh and closes his eyes.

 

-Does that mean yes? IS THAT A YES?!

 

-Shhht! Don't scream we're in a restaurant Seungkwan. You know they'll hate us if they discover the truth, right?

 

-That's worth it.

 

The smirk on Seunkwan's face is worth it too. He slurps happily his noodles and doesn't stop smiling after that.

 

-But you owe me a favor okay?

 

With reflexion, Hansol deduces that they won't only hate them, but also kill them.

 

~

 

-I swear to god, if you stare at me one more second like that I'm gonna kick your ass off-

 

-I don't get it.

 

It's already dark outside. One month passed since the arrival of the intruders at Blooming Scenery. Junhui looks up to meet Minghao's eyes. He's been staring at him for the past two minutes, not caring if Jun sees him.

 

-You don't get what?

 

Minghao shrugs and inspects his painting on the trestle he's facing.

 

-Why you hate me so much.

 

Everyone has already left the shop, but Junhui needed to finish an order, and Minghao wanted that conversation to happen, so he patiently waited.

 

-I mean, when I look at you, you don't look like someone hateful.

 

The lilac-haired man guffaws with a surprised stare, but he immediately turns serious again and focuses on his arrangement.

 

-You don't need to know.

 

Minghao stands up and approaches the other side of the table to look at Jun through the jungle separating them.

 

-Hum... I think the hell yes. I'm the main interested in that.

 

-It's none of your business.

 

A sincere laugh escapes from the painter and startles Jun. What's wrong with him? When Minghao is about to bypass the table and face Junhui, this one shoves him and goes to the exit.

 

-I don't want to have this conversation. I'm done.

 

A hand resting on the knob, he seems to wait a second to see if Minghao is going to add anything.

 

-Jun...

 

-Don't call me like th- What the heck? Why won't the door open?

 

The subject abruptly changes and the youngest approaches the door too, chasing away Junhui's hand to try it himself.

 

-I hope you're just a bad joker. Oh. Holy shit.

 

His voice is calm, his tone low.

 

They're locked inside the workshop.

 

~

 

-I still can't believe I let you embark me in that.

 

Hansol and Seungkwan are separated by a mountain of snack packets. The blonde shrugs with his mouth full of spicy chips.

 

-I didn't really let you a choice.

 

-Are we really gonna wait all the night? And what if they start fighting again?

 

They're in Seungkwan's tiny apartment, one street far from the flower shop. A smirk stretches his lips when he takes something out of his pocket proudly :

 

-That's where the talky-walky makes its entrance! I just need two minutes to go back to the shop if I run.

 

-Two minutes are enough for them to kill each other though...

 

- _They don’t pick their phones up? Have you tried with Hansol too?_

 

_-Of course I tried you dickead... he’s usually always using his phone!_

 

Seungkwan's smile gets even bigger when the talky-walky sizzles. He raises the hand, waiting for a highfive that Hansol gives a bit too excitedly.

 

-Good job hackerman! Nobody will pick up. Are you sure it'll work all the night?

 

Engulfing a handful of bretzels, Hansol nods.

 

-Yup. The signal is off for twelve hours.

 

The blonde slides along the sofa to lie his shoulder on Hansol's one, making all the packets fall on the floor and sighs, satisfied.

 

~

 

-So, what did you want to talk about? Hansol said it was urgent.

 

-No... Seungkwan told me that _you_ had something to tell me.

 

When Mingyu realizes the trap he's been caught in, his face literally turns red in a second, Wonwoo pinching his own thigh under the table to not blush. They're facing each other, seated at a restaurant table. The atmosphere is way too romantic for a professional meeting. Wonwoo knew it. Seungkwan usually never remembers to transmit informations.

 

-So... now that we're there... we... we should at least eat... no?

 

_Damn Hansol. I never thought he’d set a trap like that, it’s not his type..._

 

-Oh but... I... I don't want to hold you back! You... you probably have things to do... You already spend the day by running from gallery to gallery...

 

 _Bloody Seungkwan. He’ll pay for that_.

 

~

 

It's been thirty minutes. Thirty minutes that they're staring at each other in silence. Even with the distance between them, Junhui feels uneasy. The sparkles in Minghao's eyes are too well-known for him. He's secretely hoping that it's only light reflexion, he doesn't want it to be anything else. It can't be anything else. He refuses it to be anything else.

 

It's obvious. He's scared of him. But why? That is the thing he needs to discover. The silence is increasing the heavy atmosphere second after second. He will soon suffocate if they stare at each other one more second. Minghao stands up, rummaging his pocket.

 

-I can't stand it. I need to smoke.

 

Junhui's eyes widen so much that they could almost drop of their orbits. His mouth falls open and his eyebrows furiously frown. He stands up from his stool, clenching the fists til his knuckles turn white.

 

-How can you think of smoking in a moment like that?! How can you think of smoking when there's flowers surrounding you?!

 

Minghao gives him a jaded look and goes to the tiny window anyway. Lightning a cigarette, he inhales the smoke and exhales, giving its freedom, vanishing in the dark air.

 

-I smoke precisely because of the flowers. And because you're getting on my nerves.

 

-You...

 

-Don't make that face. You know exactly what I'm talking about.

 

Minghao keeps on playing nonchalantly with the smoke, admiring the few stars piercing through the clouds. It's a nice night. Too bad he can't spend it outside and has to settle for the window.

 

He can't help but admire. The posture, the light breeze in the hair, the charisma. His anger lightens a bit, but when Minghao turns the head to him, that his eyes find him again, the fear takes advantage one more time despite his blushing. Sitting down, Junhui tries to focus on the petals, the stalks and the leaves. He hears Minghao closing the window, and the silence is master for a moment.

 

He almost falls when he feels the raven-haired man's hot breathe just next to his ear, but Minghao catches him up, his grip strong on Jun's arm. But he doesn't let go of it, even tightens it. The words are heavy, low and cold when he whispers :

 

-I want to understand. So tell me what the fuck is wrong with me. I won't let you go, nobody is there to hold me back tonight, nobody is there to protect you.

 

He's crazy. Junhui tries to comfort himself with that thought. Minghao is crazy, it's an illness. He needs to be treated. It could be Jun or anybody else, it wouldn't change anything. But the more the words spin in his head, the more he shivers. Is it because of the fear? Is it because of the growing anger, again?

 

He wrests his arm and runs away, rounding the table, hiding behind his protectors. The only one that are there for him tonight. Flowers.

 

-I told you I don't want to talk about it.

 

He can feel the change in him. He's not himself. But this man, this boy trying to get away from him, he is making him like that. He needs to know. He needs to change. Deep inside him, he feels that need, that necessity to understand what he did, what made him deserve that treatment. That necessity to learn how to be a better person. To learn how to please Wen Junhui. Minghao picks up a rose and slowly follows Jun, playing with the petals.

 

-Come on. What do you want? Do I need to say that I'm sorry? Sorry for our fight? Because I am. I'm sorry. But these words won't erase what I did. Is that what you wanted to hear?

 

Why does his voice sounds so playful? Why do the words fly sinuously to his mind, slowly bewitching him? Minghao's finger is tracing a line on the table as he follows him. Minghao's finger passes where the scissors were a few seconds earlier.

 

Junhui shakes his head. His streaks make him startle when they fall back in place. He tightens his weapon behind his back, walking backwards.

 

-I told you to leave me alone Minghao.

 

~

 

-Hey stop that! We're gonna lose if you keep on pushing me! Hansol STOP!

 

-Hey why does it make so much noise?

 

Seungkwan throws a look at the talky-walky lying and sizzling non-stop next to him on the carpet. He can't lose their race on Mario Kart, it's not time to worry about the noise. He is about to throw it back on the sofa when Hansol squeezes his shoulder with a hand and lies on his lap to catch the machine with the other one. He puts the talky-walky next to his ear, still above Seungkwan's thighs, and frowns.

 

-Come on we're losing the game!

 

-Aren't they fighting? What's that noise?

 

The blonde boy takes the device with Hansol's hand and listens carefully for a second. He drops it and looks at his friend in the eyes :

 

-Shit.

 

~

 

Minghao is approaching. The more he gets closer to Junhui, the more he can distinguish the sadness in his eyes. Why is it so important for him? Why can't he stay away, why can't he leave him in peace, in his safe cocoon, behind the shield he forged himself?

 

His back will soon hit the door. He can't escape anymore. There's only a few centimeters left. Junhui startles so strong when he touches the wall that he lets out a gasp. When Minghao takes a last step, he finds himself facing a pair of trembling scissors under his jaw, freezing him the chin up.

 

-Don't. Move, whispers Junhui.

 

He never felt so furious. The adrenaline runs crazily in his veins and he feels his blood boiling. Junhui thinks he's dangerous. Junhui thinks he needs a weapon to protect himself from him. Minghao catches his wrist and wildlywrests the scissors to throw them away. Jun doesn't resist.

 

-WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!

 

He holds back a sob. His feelings are confused between fear and hate. He just wants to be alone, to be safe.

 

-I-

 

-YOU'RE THREATENING ME WITH A FUCKING WEAPON JUNHUI. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG IN YOUR HEAD?!

 

He's never seen anyone so out of itself. Minghao's eyes are burning with fierce. He crossed the line. He's been too far. His quest of auto-protection has taken a size too big. Minghao is not crazy, he's not sick, he doesn't need to be treated. He, Wen Junhui, is going out of his mind.

 

He slams the hand that is still holding Jun's wrist on the door, above his head, forcing him to stick his back against the wood. After the wrath, an unexpected wave of sorrow hits him. What did he do? What did he do to be threatened with scissors, blocked in a flower shop at night with a man he didn't know a month ago? A guy that is turning his head upside down. A guy that is making him reconsider every little thing he thought he knew about himself. A guy that is making him, day after day, slowly fall. In what? For what? He doesn't know yet.

 

Minghao rests his forehead for a second on Jun's shoulder, deeply exhaling and inhaling to calm himself and hold back his tears.

 

Why did his anger last so short? What is he doing with his head? Why isn't he yelling at him? Junhui waits. He doesn't know for what, but he waits.

 

After what seems to be hours, he straightens up the head, lets go of Jun's wrist and grabs him by the collar. There isn't any anger in his eyes. There isn't anything in his eyes. But he leans forward, approaches his mouth so, so close of his ear. He waits, exhales, warms Junhui's face with his breath smelling like cigarette. The lilac-haired man shivers when Minghao's voice finally infiltrate in his mind.

 

-Don't ever, and I say _ever_ , think again that you can threaten me with no consequence.

 

He finally lets go of his grab and chuckles, running a hair through his dark hair. Minghao takes a step to his trestle, hesitates, and finally curls up to the ground, hiding his face in his palms. It's not him, it's not who he used to be.

 

Junhui is in shock state. He's still sticked to the door, he can't look away from Minghao. How could he be so scared? How could he be so hurting, egoistic? The young man looks miserable. That behavior, it's not Jun. It's not who he used to be.

 

The door opens, no one reacts. Seungkwan is there, out of breathe. He wanted to act, he had prepared a scenario to look innocent, but nobody seems to care. Jun looks at Minghao and declares :

 

-Nothing good can be done with paint. That's all I can tell you.

 

He shoves Seungkwan and disappears in the night.

 

-Minghao... are you okay?

 

The man finally uncovers his face and gives Seungkwan a bright smile.

 

-Yes. Yes I'm okay. Can you leave me alone please? Just don't close the door.

 

After a moment of hesitation, the blonde leaves, looking back a few times behind him, Minghao still curled up, holding his knees to his chest.

 

It was the fakest smile Xu Minghao ever gave.

 


	2. Chapter 2

_I fucked up. That's the worse thing I ever did._

At first, Seungkwan didn't understand what happened. But as the days passed, as Minghao and Junhui's absence lasted, he knew he did something _really_ bad.

Hansol and him have been quiet, playing innocent when their colleagues were worried about their absence. But even the youngest isn't aware of what Seungkwan saw that night. It's a secret he'll drag in his grave.

It's been a week. None of them showed up at work, none of them called to say they'd be gone for some days. Seungkwan is really worrying, it takes him a lot to not admit what he did, to not call Junhui. Because he's not supposed to know what happened.

They heard the talky-walky when Minghao was yelling at Jun. They heard what Junhui did. So Seungkwan ran, he never ran so fast in his whole life. When he arrived at the shop and opened the door, the atmosphere was so tense that he almost feared they went too far, it was too late. But Jun left and Minghao gave him that weird smile.

Boo Seungkwan has never been so confused in his whole life.

~

He spent the week in the dark. He needed to intoxicate himself in the shadow of his smoky studio. After a day, the small room was already suffocating, but he didn't care.

It's been six days. Minghao looks at himself in the mirror, a cigarette hanging from his lips. His own image is blurred, but he can see the dark circles under his eyes, how sad he looks.

Despite his best intentions to free himself, to evacuate these mixed feelings from his mind, to forget that fucking Wen Junhui, he couldn't avoid that sensation crashing his insides.

He saw the truth in his eyes. He understood that he, Xu Minghao, was not the problem. He understood that it was deeper, not just as simple as a bad agreement. Junhui is hurt by something he can only imagine. And his hate, his fear of him is probably only due to a detail reminding him of that pain.

And what is really confusing him is the growing will to erase that fear in Junhui's eyes.

Minghao exhales the smoke and runs a hand through his hair. It's time to go out.

_Nothing good can be done with paint._

~

The scissors are still there. Junhui bends down to pick them on the floor and blows on the thin dust layer. The silver metal shines in his hand. A flashback reminds him of the same luster under Minghao's face. His dark eyes were reflecting the disbelief. He didn't deserve that.

Jun puts the weapon down on a table, suddenly afraid of its weight and cold, of the possibility it offered him six days ago. His fear was leading him.

-I knew you'd be there.

The voice is so soft that Jun doesn't even startle. He turns and discovers Wonwoo in the door frame. Even in the dark, the shop lights being off, his smile is immediately comforting. He takes a step in the workshop and looks at Junhui's sad smile.

-What happened Junnie?

He can't hold them any more. Six days were too much, and the tears slowly run down his cheeks. In an instant, he finds himself wrapped in Wonwoo's arms, clinging on him to not drown in sorrow.

-It's about him, right?

A simple nod is enough. He can't offer more. He's not able to open his mouth or else he'll suffocate, he'll lack of air. He needs some time.

-I still don't know much about the old you Junnie. But I know something broke you. And you know I wouldn't let anybody or anything hurt you again.

His fingers are gripping on Wonwoo's hair, it's a beg, a supplication to not leave him alone. He can't stay alone again, it can't start again. He can't live that a second time. He won't be able to go through it another time. Junhui's heart is crashing in a centrifuge. Some feelings he was sure he buried years ago are rising to the surface, invading his heart as if they never left.

Everything about him is tempting. Every little detail of him is charming. And every little glimpse of him he falls for crashes his heart a little more. It's poisonous. It's dangerous.

When his sobbing calm down a bit, Junhui whispers, his face still hid in Wonwoo's neck :

-I can't fall again.

Tightening his arms around his friend's back, the calm young man closes his eyes, looking for his words, turning them in his head, trying to carefully put them in a way that will comfort Jun's how he needs to be consoled.

-You won't fall. I'll be there. Holding your hand. You need to live Junnie. You can't ban yourself from everything just to protect you. Everyone is different, it can't happen again.

Not knowing what he is talking about is breaking his heart. He wants to help him better, but he doesn't know anything about his friend's past. He doesn't know anything about what broke him.

When he runs out of tears, Junhui straightens up and rubs his puffy eyes, slowly feeling the cold where Wonwoo's body was a few seconds earlier.

-What... what do I do?

Wiping a tear from Jun's cheek, Wonwoo smiles :

-Take your time and listen to your heart. Your present heart, not the one from the past.

~

Minghao finally comes back to work eight days after the incident. It's still early in the morning, he wishes nobody to be at the shop. Mingyu called him many times but he never picked up, just left a message to say he was sick. It was hard to cover his lack of sleep and wash the nauseous smell of cigarette from his body, hair and clothes, but here he is, ready to start again.

The sky is grey, sad. Is it going to rain? Is the sun going to show up? It's the same instability that has been leading his heart for the past days. But now, Minghao is convincing himself that the clouds will disappear, slowly but surely.

As soon as he crosses the door, a strange feeling of home and comfort invades him. He missed the workshop. He missed the flowers. He takes a seat in front of his settle, where his painting is still there. But today, the colors look faded, the drawing is soulless. He needs to upgrade it. When Minghao looks next to him to take a brush out, something shiny attracts his eyes.

It's a pair of scissors. Bound with the rod of a flower about to bloom.

~

_A week earlier_

There's nothing but the streetlights to lead Seungkwan home. It's been hours since the city is asleep, nobody is there to see that confused boy wandering in pajamas in Seoul streets.

Junhui looked so different. He's never seen him in that state. He never thought Wen Junhui, his friend for years, could be anything else than a happy pill. But his eyes were so dark when he left the shop, Seungkwan doesn't even know if Jun noticed his presence.

And Minghao... Seungkwan still doesn't know him really well yet, but something was wrong, for sure. That fake and sad smile was nothing but a way to strenghten Seungkwan's worries.

What did he do? Is he a monster? Did he worsen the situation while wanting to improve it? What did they do while he was running to the shop? What happened?

Seungkwan's questions evaporate when a silhouette catches his gaze, a few meters away. It's a boy, obviously lost, looking up, on the right, on the left, turning on himself. It's too dark to recognize him, but the more he approaches, the more familiar he looks.

-Hansol?

It's him. There's no doubt. These pink pajama pants and beanie can't belong to anybody else. Seungkwan's voice resonates in the empty streets and the boy immediately looks at him. A large smile stretches his lips as he walks to Seungkwan. He looks utterly disoriented but so happy to finally find his friend. Tiredness is painted on his face despite his smile, and he seems about to fall asleep at any moment.

When they're facing each other, the eldest takes his friend's hand to lead him and drags him along the way.

-Come on, let's go home.

Everything seems so simple. He feels like he's taking care of a child. Excepting that the child is a cute boy of his age, half-asleep at the extremity of his hand, shuffling around, and that Seungkwan can't deny the slightly faster beating of his heart.

-I wanted to join you... but I don't know the way to the shop and I was lost and...

-Shhh, it's okay.

Once in the apartment, the owner of the place leads Hansol to the bedroom and helps him to lie on the bed, covers him with the blanket, their hands still sticked together. When the youngest is comfortably installed, he whispers, eyes already closed :

-What happened with them?

Seungkwan squeezes the boy's hand for a second, feeling the flutters of his heart, and finally lets it go.

-Nothing, sleep now.

Boo Seungkwan has never had a so good reason to sleep on the couch.

~

_Well. It's been a long time._

It takes him a lot to do that. But maybe it's the only way to move forward. It's still very confused in his head, but he knows that Wonwoo was right. He can't avoid everything just to protect himself. He can't stay on the sidelines forever.

Three years, two months and 9 days.

That's how long he hasn't been able to look at himself in a mirror. To look at his body. But there he is, doing his best to control his tremblings, to keep his eyes on the reflection. Nothing really changed, maybe he got a bit more skinny, his skin got paler, but that's it. It's the same image as it was at that time. It's the same body _he_ used to stare at for hours. It's the same body that has caused his loss.

Running a finger along his bare arm, Junhui counts the moles, senses the veins pulsing under his fingertip, feels the thin lines almost gone on his forearm.

At first sight, there's nothing wrong with that body. It's common, doesn't have anything special.

A few minutes are enough. It's already hard. Junhui puts his pants back on, covers his skin with a large and soft jumper that will give him the strength he needs.

It's time to come back to life.

~

It's still early in the morning. The sky is grey, blurred with clouds. It looks like they don't know what they're supposed to do. Leave and let the sun do its job? Develop to unleash the rains?

Junhui pushes the door open but keeps the lights off. He's back. The flowers welcome him with a comforting murmur and a soothing scent. The hundreds of colors are enough of a light for him.

He doesn't want to enter the workshop. It would immediately remind him of what he did. It would immediately remind him of Minghao and the tears in his eyes. It would immediately remind him of Minghao, smoking, leaned against the window sill, hair gently stroked by the night-time wind, the smoke surrounding him like an aureole.

He decided to follow Wonwoo's advice. He decided to take his time. But he knows his resolution would break in shards at the moment he'd take a step in the workshop.

His resolution explode in a hundred of tiny fragments when Minghao appears in the door frame.

~

He's there. When he heard the door opening, Minghao wished so hard it wasn't him. He wished so hard it was Mingyu, Hansol, or even Wonwoo, Seokmin, Jisoo or Seungkwan. But not Junhui.

The clouds took their decision. They let the sun shine on Seoul, and the dawn is slowly infiltrating the shop, invading the room step by step, surrounding Junhui from backwards, creating an aureole around his surprised face when he sees him. He looks tired, exhausted, fragile. But something changed in his eyes. There's something missing, there's something new, but Minghao can't tell what.

~

-I'm sorry.

They both said it at the same time, in unison. A sincere smile stretches Minghao's lips, and Jun... well he tries to smile. Looking down on his sneakers, he rubs a stain with his foot to avoid the black-haired guy's look.

The distance that separates them is almost too much. But Minghao doesn't want to come closer, he doesn't want to scare him again. It's a bit embarrassing... He scratches his nape and looks at the city taking life behind Junhui through the glass.

-I shouldn't have yelled. Or forced you to say something you didn't want to. And also... sorry for your wrist. I mean... I'm sorry for everything in fact, it's just... I don't know how to-

-You're not the only faulty, far from it. I wasn't in my normal state. It wasn't really me...

The youngest instinctively takes a step to Junhui, but this one slightly freezes and tightens the sleeves of his sweater.

-I don't understand. The man you know it's... it's not who I am. Since a few days ago, I'd have said that you don't deserve to know who I really am but... I just want to be myself, and it'd be better for you to know the real Xu Minghao.

Strangely, Junhui's eyes enlighten a bit, his grip on the fabric loosen. His voice is almost as low as a whisper, but there's no trace of fear when he asks :

-And how is the real Xu Minghao?

Another step. No negative reaction.

-He is not violent. He is not rude. He is passionate and kind.

It can't be called as a step, but there's this slight move towards Minghao, a tiny intention to show he's not afraid. And a real, true and honest smile.

-I think the real Xu Minghao would get along well with the real Wen Junhui.

~

-And you know, that guy stared at me so awkwardly and-

-LOOK JISOO JUNNIE IS TH-

In a second, Seokmin finds himself slammed against a wall, Jisoo's hand pressed against his mouth.

-Shut up Minghao's there too.

Jisoo looks at what's happening in the flower shop through the showcase and his eyes widen. Seokmin is still trapped under his friend's large palm, struggling to free himself.

-Geez who the fuck educated you Jisoo?

When Seungkwan arrives and is about to pass in front of the glass wall, Seokmin stops him.

-They're here. Not fighting.

-Oh Lord! Finally some good news.

The eldest frowns, still staring at the two silhouettes in the semi-darkness of the flower shop.

-Don't swear on God... whispers Jisoo, too concentrated on the scene.

-What are y'all doing?

They all turn to Hansol, Seokmin finally free, and Jisoo disconnected from his observation.

-If I didn't know you I'd say you're about to rob the shop... but you just look weird, hidden behind the wall. What's up?

They don't have the time to answer because Wonwoo arrives from the opposite side of the street, too focused on his phone to notice them, and enters the shop.

-Fuck it, whispers the four other guys, still spying.

~

That smile, Minghao has already seen it. More than a month ago, when he met Wen Junhui for the first time. It was genuine, pure and happy. They didn't know each other at that time.

Since Wonwoo entered the shop, they've been silent. Exactly what Minghao doesn't need right now. Because with the silence, his mind is free to let questions, doubts and "what if?" spin and harass him.

The more he looks at him, the more he doubts. Junhui has never been so focused on his work. Minghao has to manage himself to not stare at him too much. To not stare at his tiny grin, the slight throb at the corner of his eye when he struggles to add a detail at his creation. His fingers handling the flower buds as if it was the most vulnerable thing in the world, a treasure to cherish more than his own life. The sparkles in his eyes when he looks at his art from away, the passion he exudes.

Junhui is made for that. It's written in the stars, in the oldest books of the world, inked deep down in his skin.

He seems so out of reach. So unattainable. What if, even when being his true self, Minghao was bad for him? What if he could be only negative for him?

What if he was already worrying too much about what he could be in his life when the only good thing that happened between them are the smiles they shared this morning?

Because there's something that Minghao hasn't forgotten.

 _Nothing good can be done with paint_.

He usually shows his negative side, but Xu Minghao actually believes in hope. He believes in dream, in destiny, in chance. And right now, despite everything the world raises between them, he chooses to believe in the glimmer of hope that smile offered.

~

Everything comes back to normal in the most natural way. Or nearly.

Nobody asks Minghao and Junhui why they were absent. Nobody makes any comments when everyone notices the way Minghao stares at Junhui during long minutes. Nobody makes any comments when Junhui suddenly asks his friends for a hug, his eyes shining with sadness.

Nobody notices the look Seungkwan and Hansol exchange when Minghao says that the workshop door lock has a problem. Nobody notices the smiles Wonwoo and Mingyu share when they pass in front of each other. Nobody notices Seungkwan blushing when Hansol offers to help him with the shop website.

Nobody notices that Junhui actually looks back at Minghao when he is focused on his canvas, a paintbrush in a hand, a pen in the mouth, his piercing eyes analyzing every single detail of his work.

At noon, the florists go to their usual restaurant at the corner of the street, and Mingyu brings sandwiches and salads for him, Hansol and Minghao.

In the afternoon, everyone works peacefully, and in the end of the day, everyone goes home with no drama.

It could almost be perfect just this way.

~

Maybe he's paranoid. Maybe he's just out of mind. Maybe he just _wanted_ it to happen. Maybe he secretely dreamed it was true.

Junhui, facing his mirror again, inspects the places he felt Minghao's look on. Was it real? He doesn't know. But at the moment he felt it, it was great. It was not uncomfortable, panicking or disgusting like it used to be in the past. Junhui _liked_ that feeling.

Just when a smile starts to stretch his lips, a little voice in his head falls on him.

He _used to look at you like that too. See how it ended? It's bad, Junhui, it's just poison for you._

Jun slams the door of his closet close when a wave of anxiety hits him, making his reflection disappear.

-I don't care. He's not _him_.

An idle way to convince himself. When a tear rolls down on his cheek, a meowing makes him lower the head. His cat is rubbing against his legs, looking at him with begging eyes.

-At least, you wouldn't hurt me.

Junhui bends down to take the pet in his arms and reaches his bed to lie on it. The cat quickly falls asleep on its owner's chest, and his purring doesn't take long to soothe his heart.

He needs to live. He wants to live. He just needs a bit of time to remember how to do it.

~

-COFFEE !!!

When Junhui enters the shop with coffee boxes loading his arms, Seungkwan and Seokmin both rush to him with the hugest smiles he's ever seen. Their positive energy automatically makes him smile, and he starts distributing the coffee cups to his friends.

Mingyu, who entered right after Jun, gladly takes the cup he offers him, and proposes to bring Wonwoo's one in his office. The lilac-haired guy entrusts it to him with a sardonic grin, and finally ends up alone in the workshop with two cups. One for him... and one for Minghao, who is still not arrived.

When Hansol sees Junhui standing awkwardly in the middle of the room, not knowing what to do, he approaches, fiddling his sweater lace of embarrassment :

-Jun... I'm sorry but Minghao doesn't drink coffee...

His eyes widen for a second, and a fake smile stretches his lips, his gaze reflecting disappointment.

-Oh... I see.

-I do drink coffee, what are you talking about Hansol? I thought you knew me better.

Minghao enters the room like a divine intervention and throws a bossy look at his young friend.

-But you- oh. Ah! Yes I'm sorry.

Hansol leaves on tiptoeing and they end up alone in the workshop, like so many other times. Junhui turns to Minghao, avoiding his eyes, focusing on the cup in his hand.

-So... huh... I bought you coffee but... if you don't like it there's no problem I can-

-I totally like coffee. Thank you very much.

When Minghao takes the cup Junhui hands him, their fingers meet for a second, stopping the Earth activity, suspending the time. Junhui blushes and immediately turns to his preparation table while Minghao hides his face behind the cup, drinking a long sip of the bitter liquid, burning his tongue by the way. He needs to manage himself to not cough because of how disgusting the drink is for him.

-Milk and sugar?

Jun is facing him again, his skin color back to normal, and an amused smile stretching his lips.

-Is it so obvious?

The eldest chuckles softly and takes the cup back, being careful to not touch Minghao's fingers again. There's a small fridge under the table in the back of the room that he's never noticed before, and Jun cautiously pours milk in the cardboard tumbler. When he comes back, the raven-haired boy can't hide his genuine smile. It's a small attention, but it already means a lot.

-It should be better now.

And it is. For the first time of his life, Minghao appreciates the taste of coffee in his mouth. The milk and sugar make it sweet and the beverage warms his entire body. The bright smile he offers Junhui makes him feel like a child. He never felt the age gap between them, but today it's different, he feels like Junhui is taking care of him.

-Thank you, it's perfect.

A timid smile, and everyone starts working. Minghao doesn't want to finish his drink. He wants to feel the sweet taste on his tongue again and again.

He doesn't want to finish the drink Junhui prepared for _him_.

It's a progress. A small, tiny step towards their nascent relationship. A proof to add next to the smile Junhui offered him, that maybe he doesn't hate him that much.

That maybe hope is not meaningless.

~

-Jun brought coffee.

Wonwoo looks up from the tons of paperworks drowning his desk.

-Oh thanks.

Mingyu sits in front of him, but the shop's boss is already focused on his papers again. He's holding his temples, frowning, looking exhausted. The young man leans forward to catch his friend's eyes.

-Are you okay?

He lets out a loud and heavy sigh and leans back against his chair, rubbing his face, sliding his glasses on top of his curly hair.

-I am. But the shop isn't. The business isn't flourishing, with no bad pun.

A sudden wave of guiltiness hits Mingyu.

-Is it... is it because of us? I mean... we can leave whenever you want.

Wonwoo uncovers his face and widens his eyes. Slowly, he leans on his desk, not caring if he wrinkles the sheets, and puts his hands at the edge of the furniture, only a few centimeters away from Mingyu. His dark eyes are serious when he sticks them in his friend's ones.

-I don't want you to leave.

It's shy, it's hesitant, but Mingyu gently takes Wonwoo's hands, caressing his soft skin with his thumbs, and smiles while looking at the liaison between them.

-Let me help you at least. I'm sure there's something to do.

The eldest nods, slightly blushes and intertwines their fingers.

_Tadam. Tadam. Tadam._

Both of their hearts connect their rythms for an instant. In that harmonious space-time, there's no source of worries, there's no negative feeling, everything is fine, everyone is okay. Because there is no need to fill in the silence or to move their hands.

In that space-time, there's only Wonwoo and Mingyu, their hands and their smiles.

There's nobody else than the two of us when Wonwoo takes back one of his hand to caress Mingyu's tanned cheek and whispers again, softly, delicately this time :

-I don't want you to leave.

~

It's a conspiracy.

Like so many other evenings, Minghao and Junhui end up alone in the workshop. But it's the first time since their fight. Tonight, Junhui likes that it is becoming a sort of untold routine. Both working while the world outside slows down and falls asleep. It doesn't feel awkward as it used to, the young man is almost a need for him to feel comfortable tonight. A breathing to focus on, a presence to fill in the room.

Their colleagues seemed a bit too rushed to leave the shop and their smiles were too obvious when they wished them a good evening. It's a frustration for Minghao. They're imagining things that are far from reality. He is forced to chase the images away from his mind, to avoid that growing fluttering everytime he feels Junhui's eyes on him.

He thought he was imagining it, but in the afternoon, when he looked at him, their gazes met and the way the lilac-haired guy hurriedly turned the head was enough to confirm that it wasn't a dream.

-Outch! Shit...

Minghao is pulled out of his thoughts when Junhui whines. He looks up from the nocturnal scenery he was painting and sees the florist sucking his finger.

-Are you okay?

Automatically, he stands up and approaches the man, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Although Junhui stiffens a bit at the proximity, he puts his hand down and looks at his bleeding finger with annoyance.

-Yeah... nothing serious.

-You should put on a plaster or it won't stop bleeding. And cleanse the wound.

While talking, Minghao wanted to take Junhui's hand to inspect it, but realizing what he was about to do, he just let his own hand pending a few millimeters under the hurt one.

-Mmh... there should be a first-aid kit somewhere.

Jun quickly disappears behind a shelving at the back of the room, rushed to run away, and there's no more sound. After a few seconds, Minghao follows him and finds the lilac-haired boy bending down to reach something on the bottom shelf, turning his back on him. He silently leans above him to look at what he's doing and whispers :

-Do you find it?

He didn't see it coming. Junhui is so startled that he suddenly straightens up and the back of his head violently hits Minghao's face, who falls backward, trying his best to cling on a shelf, scratching his arm by the way, but the metallic furniture is not fixed correctly and falls on both Junhui and him. Hopefully, the eldest blocks it with his back and arm, protecting Minghao under him.

-Shit shit shit are you okay?

Minghao is whispering, afraid that too much noise would break the tiny balance of the shelving. Junhui is gritting his teeth with pain, but still nods and opens his eyes widen when he sees the black-haired boy's bleeding nose and arm, pressed against his chest.

-Get away, quickly! Once you'll be gone I'll run.

Eyes full of fear, Minghao nods and moves back on his elbows to free himself, and when he's able to stand up, he reaches for Junhui's hand. His arm hurts when he abruptly pulls him out of the trap, falling on his butt again, followed by the lilac-haired guy in echo of the loud bang the shelving makes when it crashes on the floor.

They're so close. Minghao's head almost bumped in a table behind him, but Junhui had the reflex to put a hand to protect him during his fall. A hand holding his head, the other one still sticked with his, their chests pressed against each other. They can even smell each other's breath.

He could kiss him, right now. Nothing could hold him back. But despite the surprise, despite the shock, there is still this tiny little glimmer at the back of his eyes, that glimmer of fear. So Minghao stays still.

He could kiss him, right now. Nothing could hold him back. But despite the surprise, despite the shock, there is still this huge ball of fear tearing his insides apart. So Junhui stays still.

Slowly straightening up, he holds back a gasp of pain when he feels his shirt coming off his back, meaning that he probably has an ugly wound. Their hands are still in each other when Junhui gently pulls Minghao up and kneels in front of him.

It's time to take his hand back. Even if he doesn't want to, Minghao breaks the contact and pinches his nose bridge.

-Are you okay? I'm so sorry..., whispers Junhui.

The youngest shakes his head, gaining a violent migraine, and smiles because of how worried Junhui looks. It's idiot, but knowing that _Wen_ _Junhui_ is worried for him is creating an unknown happiness in his heart.

-It's me, I should have said something to not scare you. How is your back? Let me check it for you...

A second of folly makes Junhui let Minghao gently put a hand on his waist, about to lift his shirt, when he suddenly realizes what he is about to do and turns to pull the clothe away from him.

-No! I mean... I'll do it myself. Please.

The fear is there again. It appeared so abruptly that it startled Minghao, whose hand remains in the air.

-It's... it's okay.

Junhui is suddenly panting, his eyes focused on Minghao's hand, as if it was a weapon, realizing what could have happened. He can't. He can't let this happen. Not now. Not yet. Noticing the panicked gaze, the youngest hides his hand behind his back and adds softly :

-I won't touch you Jun. Don't worry.

His eyes are heartbreaking. It's impossible for Minghao to imagine what happened to him, to understand what makes him so afraid, to imagine what he is feeling right now. But one thing is sure, Junhui has a scar, deep inside him, that reminds him every day of what happened.

He _must_ hold back the tear that threatens to roll down. He must hide his pain. Junhui blinks a few times to reconnect to reality, to come back to his senses and realize that he is not in danger. After a deep breath, he finally looks at Minghao again and discovers the worries in his eyes. It's because of him. It's because of his inability to trust him that he made Minghao worry. But he tries to hide his hassles with a smile that could almost be funny because of the two lines of blood under his nose.

-You should go home and check your back. I'll stay for a while to arrange that mess.

-No I'll help you-

-I told you to go home Jun. You need to treat yourself.

With a sigh, Jun nods, forced to obey. The smile has disappeared. Minghao is really bad at faking his feelings, and he feels the need to soothe his worries. With no more word, he leaves the room, trying his best to not wince because of the pain. He hears Minghao coughing behind him, and when he looks at him one last time from the darkness of the shop, a sad smile stretches his lips. He doesn't want to leave him. He will do it anyway, but realizing that will to stay lightens the burden his heart has been carrying for a few minutes.

 _Jun_. It feels nice hearing his nickname from him. It's just the way it should be.

~

_Nothing good can be done with paint._

_Nothing good can be done with paint._

_Nothing good can be done with paint_.

Minghao, sitting in front of the repaired shelving turns the phrase in his mind again and again. He feels like it's the key to Junhui's mystery. He needs to find the solution, to understand what he was meaning and solve the puzzle.

He's not tired. It took him an hour to put everything back in place, he even forgot his arm and nose that both stopped bleeding after a few minutes. He doesn't want to go home. It's the first time he can explore the workshop on his own. It's the first time he can explore Jun's universe alone. It's the first occasion he got to find the solving of that phrase.

He can't focus. He wants to know if he's okay. He wants to know if he's home safely. He wants to be sure he didn't pass out in the streets, isn't bleeding to death, alone in his apartment.

A sudden urge to free himself from that growing panic makes him run to the counter in the dark shop and rummage the different papers on the desk. There must be something. A paper, anything with his phone number or even his address. After what seems to be hours, a tiny paper pinned to the wall catches his attention. There it is. All the employees phone numbers are written on it.

There isn't any hesitation when he composes the number on his phone, there isn't any hesitation when he brings the phone to his ear and nervously counts the tones while tapping on the counter.

_-Huh... hello?_

_-_ J-Junhui?

_-Who is it?_

Wait. What is he doing? Minghao hangs up, staring at the void. He's turning out of mind. A week earlier, he was hating that guy from deep inside his heart, and now he calls him to be sure he's fine.

_Okay, Xu Minghao, come back to your senses._

It's okay to worry. It's okay to call him to assure yourself that someone hurt is safe. And he is. If he picked up, it means he's alive. No hemorrhage, no attack in the street, no death.

A shadow passes in front of the vitrine and makes Minghao's thoughts break in shards. His heart is pounding crazily in his chest when he looks at a cat crossing the street, not caring if he almost caused a heart attack.

Going back to the workshop, mind delighted from any worry, the young man embraces the scenery in front of him. Flowers, flowers, flowers, and paint.

Oh. There he is.

Flowers and paint.

~

-What the hell...

-LANGUAGE LEE SEOKMIN.

What a sweet melody from the morning when Wonwoo enters the shop. Apparently, Jisoo just arrived too and is entering the workshop, from where Seokmin swears are coming.

-Jesus Christ...

It must be serious. Suddenly worried, the boss follows his employee and finds both of his friends at the back of the room.

-Is that blood?

-The pots! They're all broken!

A cold sweat slides on Wonwoo's spine when he hears the word "broken", but not even flinching at the mention of blood. And what he discovers is worst than what he could imagine : a shelving is swaying dangerously, there's shatters on the floor, and broken pots are put on a table. Immediately, the bills scroll in his mind, and if a familiar presence didn't appear just next to him, he could have started crying. He turns and discovers Mingyu, looking at the mess with a confused gaze. But when the tall man feels Wonwoo's eyes on him, his gaze sticks in his and he smiles, putting a hand on his nape.

-Don't worry, it's not wasted, I'm sure there's something we can do.

-Hello? Not to ruin the mood but have we been robbed?

 _Robbed_.

Hansol is standing awkwardly in the door frame, and he looks truly embarrassed. Is that a nightmare? Wonwoo will inevitably wake up, it's impossible. It can't happen _now._

-What makes you think so?

Jisoo's calm aura momently soothe Wonwoo's worries as he walks to the young man to follow him to the counter, where he points at a mess made of paperworks. The florist lifts some sheets and shrugs :

-There's nothing important here... I don't think there would be anything to rob, the cash is hidden in the safe anyway.

Wonwoo sighs and looks at everyone, trying to figure out what could have happened. Mingyu tightens his grip on his skin to comfort him, and he slightly leans against him.

-Okay so... who was the last person here yesterday?

-Junhui and Minghao, who else?

Seungkwan makes a triumphal entry as he answers, not knowing anything about the conversation that is going on.

-I guess there's no need of an explanation then..., whispers Wonwoo, relieved about the shop but worried for his friend.

-Okay but... I think we have an other problem.

Everyone turns to Seokmin, who had almost been forgotten. He looks like he's seen a ghost, pointing at something on the preparation table. They all gather and stare at the _thing,_ holding their breaths.

-We better prepare the shields, whispers Wonwoo.

~

He knew something was wrong when his colleagues asked him if he was okay. He knew something was wrong when they threw worried looks at the workshop as soon as he entered the shop. Not worried looks _for_ him, but worried looks about something else. Something he could do. And now Junhui understands why.

It could almost look like a normal bouquet from afar. But when you look at it closer, you can see and smell. The paint. Everywhere. Covering the petals, the buds, the ropes. Even the leaves. Jun's mind is blurred with admiration and anger.

What. Did. He. Do.

It looks like a painting, but in real life. He gave birth to a piece of art. It's Minghao, for sure. He hated paint for so long that the feeling is strange. It's unusual to feel so amazed by something that ruined his life. Juggling between his roots of hate and the new-born awe is delicate. The painter is still not arrived, but he'll be here soon, and Junhui has to make a choice of feeling. And the only imagination of the proud grin that will be stretching Minghao's face is enough to choose. He thought they changed, that there was no more rivalry between them, but he was fooled.

Wen Junhui's storm is coming.

-You want to die? Be ready.

Seokmin whispers in the other room, and Jun knows that Minghao is arriving. He is furious. He ruined about twenty flowers with his stupidity. He probably wanted to show his superiority or whatever the hell he feels. Jun is ready. Ready to dig up the hatchet of war.

But as soon as Minghao enters the workshop, the hatchet falls on the ground, the storm clouds dissipate, the anger evaporates. There's no trace of pride or defiance in his eyes. Just worries. Worries _for_ Junhui. His gaze immediately slides to his back before looking at Jun's eyes again.

-Are you okay?

It's so sincere, so unexpected that Junhui blushes, not breaking the look. He automatically brings a hand to the place he covered his damaged skin with bandage, and nods, suddenly timid.

-Yes. Yes I'm okay.

He looks so tired. Exhausted. And troubled. His eyes don't stop passing from Junhui's ones and his back. Jun feels the need to calm him, to soothe his worries. Without much thought, he puts a hand on Minghao's arm, thightening his fingers on his skin.

-Don't worry, really.

At this exact moment, anger and fear are long forgotten. There's only the will to reassure and be reassured. Minghao instinctively brings a hand on Junhui's one, trying to see the truth in his eyes. No fear. No pain. For a second, their fingers intertwine, and the next one their hands are already down.

-I'm sorry.

He needs to change the subject. He can't bare to see him so guilty. And say that a few seconds before he was already blaming him for thousand of things he didn't do. Maybe it was the easiest way to run away from the feelings he's scared to feel. Jun turns to the painted bouquet and waves at it, avoiding Minghao's look by turning his back on him.

-So... what's all that?

He doesn't like it. He's angry. He deceived him. His voice sounds disappointed, he probably doesn't look at him to not show his anger. Minghao's lips fall down as he whispers, shamefully :

-I... I tried something. I wished you'd like it.

He takes a step to him, thinking that Jun would move, flee from him. But he doesn't flinch.

-That's... wonderful, whispers the florist.

His lungs are deprived of air for a second. And his heart skips a beat when Junhui steps back, resting his body a few, tiny centimeters away from him. What is he supposed to do? Minghao's mind is running a hundred miles an hour. But all he can think of is that scent of rose and strawberries tickling his nose and the soft lilac hair just in front of him. He takes the first thing that comes to his mind, the first option that offers to him and rests his chin on Jun's shoulder. There's less than a second of freezing, and he relaxes right away under the contact.

-I wanted to show you that... that good things can be done.

It lasted a fraction of time, a handle of seconds, and Junhui already breaks the contact, facing him again. He smiles, but his look is serious when he says :

-You better pay for the flowers.

He didn't want to be mean. He didn't want to sound rude. It's stronger than him. It's stronger than his will to hug Minghao, it's stronger than his will to say how beautiful the bouquet is, it's stronger than his will to live normally. It's stronger than his wish to be able to like someone again.

But this fucking fear is still there.

~

 _It's egoistic from you. Have you thought of how much more painful it'll be if you hide the truth? He'll be disgusted once he'll know the truth. He doesn't deserve to trust you and then discover the truth. He can't like you. Not after what happened. Nobody can love you Junhui, nobody_. _It's too late, you've been too weak._

It's too hard. His fears took a new level now. Because he doesn't only fear to be hurt, but to be rejected. What the voices in his head say is true. How could anybody love him, knowing the truth? How could anybody trust him if all he does is lie?

He's lost. He wants it, from the bottom of his heart, hell yeah he wants to be able to like Minghao. To like him how he deserves to. Because he actually already fell for him. He fell for his eyes, for his smile, for his now familiar perfume, for his laugh, for his passion. He fell deep in the abysses for Xu Minghao.

How could he like him if Junhui hates himself so much? How could he like Junhui and _this_ body? Because he's trapped in it, so if he liked him, it would obligatory mean that he needs to like his body too. And that's impossible.

It's hard. Too hard. How many times did Junhui cry because of this hate for himself? How many times did he cry because of this fear to be hurt? Now, he cries for Minghao and the sadness and misunderstanding in his beautiful eyes, for what he won't ever be able to give him.

He's not only trapped in his body, but in also in that never-ending spiral of hate and fear.

-I don't wanna cry.

His cushion is the only witness of his tears tonight.

~

It's hard. Really hard. But he can't give up. He doesn't want to give up. At every step they cross, it seems like Junhui is a bit further. It hurts. But Minghao sees it, he sees that thing in Jun's eyes. That glimmer, always there, not leaving him in peace. Stopping him from moving on. Because he feels that Junhui actually would like to come closer to him. He feels like Junhui would like to give him his smiles back.

But he also feels that Junhui actually suffers a lot more than him. And it breaks his heart to not be able to help him. To take him in his arms and tell him that everything will be alright, to protect him from what scares him. To stroke his hair, whispering a lullaby and erase that fear in his eyes, ease the tremblings of his hands when he gets too close. But he promised. He promised to not touch him. An untold swear that he won't ever cross the barrier he protected himself behind.

They're like two opposite poles that irremediably attract each other. But he can feel that Junhui doesn't want to be in opposition. It's obvious. In the way he looks at him, in the way he tries to smile. But it's like there's something, in his heart, in his mind that keeps pulling him away, reminding him to not come too close of the edge. To not open the lock of the barrier and cross the thin line of protection.

~

Smiles, chuckles, softness in the eyes.

A hand in an other, lips against lips, skin on skin.

Paint smell.

Trust. Devotion. Love.

And suddenly, nothing. The blank. The void. A black hole. A huge hole in the heart. An unbearable pain.

Shame. Regrets. Hate. Fear.

Paint smell.

~

He's coming. He smiles. There's no more fear in his eyes. Nothing that holds him back. He opens his arms.

But when Minghao approaches, Junhui steps back. He turns and runs away. The fear is there again. He's running to her. He gives himself right in the trap.

She welcomes him with a sweet smile, wraps her claws on his shoulder, imprisons him forever, and Minghao falls. He falls again and again. He won't stop. He's falling, eaten by darkness.

He finally hits the ground and wakes up, gasping for air, panting, drowning in his sweat.

Junhui. He's trapped. He needs to save him.


	3. Chapter 3

It was statistically impossible for it to not happen. The tank was getting fuller and fuller, and there was necessarily a day when it would overflow.

~

It's a rainy Sunday, ironically. The sun is absent and so is Junhui's energy. He's tired. Tired of constantly regressing. Tired of constantly feeling these same old fear and pain. He thought they would get away, soothe with time, but they became bigger and bigger, clinging on his sleeves, begging for attention, harassing him to not forget them.

He's lost and doesn't know how to make them leave. They've been his companions for too long. It's been exactly forty-six days since he met him. Since these feelings came back. It's too long. It's more than he can handle.

Frequenting Minghao has started being really hard. Because for every step they make, he seems a bit further. Even if he reaches for his hand, the gap between them is always bigger, and the hole that separates them is too deep to try anything. He can't admit his feelings or he will fall face first in the dark. If he admits it, he's lost.

But what if the only way to get through it was to jump, no matter how dark it is, no matter how deep it is, no matter how scary it is?

Because sometimes, before it gets better, the darkness gets bigger.

~

Rare are the people that have seen Xu Minghao cry. Because Xu Minghao rarely cries. He shows his sadness in other ways, expresses his sorrow without tears.

But recently, something has started making him think that tears are the easiest way to let the bad feelings out. So sometimes, when he's alone, he gives freedom to a few drops, discreet, quick. A wipe and there's no more trace of any sort of sadness.

He started feeling that big burden on his heart when he understood how deep his feelings were for Junhui. And when he understood how deep his pain was. And how hard it would be to mix it. Pain and... love.

Another thing that only a few persons know about Xu Minghao. To be honest, nobody knows that side of Xu Minghao. Because Xu Minghao has never been in love in his life. He never thought it would be so hard to feel that constant burden on his heart. All these unfulfilled needs and wills harassing him. And, above everything else, having to watch the person you love suffer, and not being able to do anything. Everytime you see that person, you can't see anything else than the pain.

And today, on that rainy Sunday, it feels like it's too much. Unbearable.

~

Sunday is the only day off of the shop. A whole, complete, long day to use the workshop at will.

He's not really here for the flowers. He's there because yesterday, when he had to say goodbye to Minghao, it suddenly felt too long to wait til Monday. It suddenly felt like he couldn't stay alone for one day. It felt like he couldn't stay away from him for one day. So he asked. He dared to ask him if he wanted to come today.

And it was a good decision. Now that they're here, fear and pain both took a break. They probably thought there was no danger, no risk.

It's peaceful. The raindrops knocking at the window, the silence in the room. It's a small moment of happiness for Jun. The voices are sleeping, Minghao is there, working on his art too. Nothing to worry about.

~

He looks happy. His heart hurts just to think that he will break that small happiness with a simple question, a few words that could trigger an avalanche. Minghao takes a deep sigh, tries to control the shaking of his hands.

He needs to know. He can't continue like that.

-Jun?

The young man looks up, hidden behind long leaves and exotic flowers. He's not ready for what will follow. The fear isn't there today. It won't be long until she comes when he will ask what has been weighing on his heart.

-What... what am I for you?

There's a second of surprise, and there she is again. Minghao could also see her shadow wrapping him, tightening her claws on his shoulders, pulling him with her, staring at Minghao with a satisfied grin. The fear.

One second and he's already gone.

-I won't insist. If you tell me I'm nothing, then I will hush. But I need to know if I can keep hope or not. I need an answer.

Everything is spinning around him. The question barges in his mind like a hurricane, like crows turning around their prey, getting closer and closer.

_What am I for you? What am I for you? Tell me Jun, tell me what I am for you. Tell me how deep your feelings are for me. Tell me, and I'll destroy you. Give me your hand, and I'll take you down. Trust me and I'll crush every single piece of you, slowly, painfully. Or stay quiet, and break my heart. Stay quiet and I'll disappear, leaving a hole in your heart. Stay quiet and you'll be alone again. Your choice Jun, your choice._

He can't do anything else than stare at Minghao and the sadness in his eyes. He can't do anything else than stare at Minghao for long, never-ending seconds, and see one, two, three tears roll down his immaculate cheeks. He can't do anything else than stare at Minghao sighing, swallowing a disappointed smile, taking his coat and leaving the room. He can't do anything else than stare at the place Minghao was a few seconds earlier. He can't do anything else than hear the doorbell ringing and the door closing.

He will suffer not matter what choice he makes.

-Minghao wait!

~

Just a bit further in the street, two boys. A fight. Screams. Growls.

A race against time. A race for its life.

-I told you to go left! We're going straight to our death! Do you listen sometimes? You want the Slender Man to catch us? You want to lose?

-Argh shut up. I know what I'm doing.

Hansol is sitting on the carpet, his back against the sofa where Seungkwan is hiding under covers, clinging on the gamer's shoulders nervously.

-You weren't that rude when we met. But go ahead! If we die, it's your turn to do the dishes.

Hansol's knuckles turn white on the remote. He's been tense for two days, but the blonde boy doesn't seem to notice it.

He doesn't notice anything.

~

_2 days ago_

As so many other days, the shop is quiet. Some clients come and go, nothing really new. Hansol is focusing on his computer, mumbling magic formula (swears) to resolve a virus, and doesn't react when the doorbell rings.

-Soonyoung! I didn't know you were in town!

Jisoo leaves the counter and hugs a stranger. When Hansol turns, he discovers a smiley dark-haired boy.

-Are you alone in the shop?

-Seokmin and Seungkwan are there, I'm gonna call them, they'll be so happy to see you! 

Alone together in the shop, Hansol and the newcomer stare at each other with embarrassed smiles. Hopefully, the silence is broken when two storms go out of the workshop and jump on the guy. Little screams of joy, giggles, hugs, bright smiles, Hansol can't even discern who is who in the mess.

When Seokmin breaks the hug, Seungkwan stays a bit longer in _Soonyoung_ arms, and they share huge smiles. Who is this guy?

Alerted by the noise, Wonwoo opens his office door and stands in its frame. Him and the messiah look at each other for a while.

-Hey... how are you doing?

Wonwoo shrugs and gives him a tiny smile. He encompasses him with a hand gesture :

-You look... fine? Good to know you're back.

It's only when Wonwoo closes the door that Hansol notices Mingyu, standing out of the workshop, who attended to the whole scene and looks confused, frowning while staring at the stranger. He disappears, and Hansol focuses again on the newcomer. Seungkwan is still clinging on his arm.

Kwon Soonyoung, as he appears to be, stays for two hours. _Two hours._ Two hours during which Hansol has to bare passionate conversations about old memories, laughs, complicit looks. Seungkwan never looked away of the intruder, having eyes only for him.

Could he be... jealous?

~

-Come on you're not even trying to run away.

Hansol sighs deeply and puts the remote down. A monster appears on the screen, gaining a tiny scream from Seungkwan who tightens his grip on Hansol's shoulders, and the image turns black, with "You died." on it.

-Congrats! The dishes are waiting for you.

Despite that uncomfortable feeling twisting his stomach, Hansol stands up and goes to the kitchen, silently. He doesn't have any reason to be angry or jealous. Seungkwan and him are just friends. _Just_ friends, and he clearly made him understand it many times.

It's been almost half an hour when Seungkwan finally enters the kitchen with a confused look. He stares at Hansol wildly washing a plate as if it just insulted him, frowning at the soap. Something is not normal. Where's the soft and calm Hansol he knows? The blonde boy approaches from behind and puts his chin on his friend's shoulder, getting a startle but no word.

-Are you okay?

-As good as I can be while washing the dishes.

He refuses to look at him. Seungkwan tries to make him face him, but Hansol resists and hounds on the poor plate.

-I mean... in general?

Poof. It just gets out of his mouth, with no prevention :

-Who is that Soonyoung?

The more he focuses on the sponge in his hands to not look at Seungkwan, the harder he rubs the dish. But the boy won't let him avoid his look longer and softly takes the sponge off his hands and catches his chin to make him turn.

-You'll hole it up like that. What's the problem Hansol? Soonyoung is just an old friend.

Suddenly, Hansol sticks his gaze in Seungkwan's one. He's confused. What is happening? Why is he so irritated about Soonyoung? Why the eventuality of them being more than friends is making him so tense?

-You sure?

The blonde takes his hand off Hansol's chin and widens his eyes. For an instant, he stays like this, but the next second, a smile stretches his lips.

-Are you... jealous?

It'd mean a lot. Hansol shrugs like a child and looks away. Rubbing his foot on the floor, crossing his arms on his chest. Is he jealous? That's a good question. Because if he was jealous, he'd have to clear another question : what is he feeling towards Seungkwan?

His thoughts break in shards when Seungkwan wraps his arms around him, not caring about his crossed arms, and hides his face in Hansol's neck, smiling against his skin, which makes him blush immediately, not ready for that affection show.

-Don't worry about Soonyoung.

~

-Minghao wait!

He can't hear him, he's already gone. When Junhui goes out of the shop and finds himself under torrential rains that anchor him immediately, he finds the streets empty. It's Sunday, everyone is avoiding the apocalyptic weather. There's only Minghao's silhouette, a few meters away, walking to the opposite side of the street.

-Minghao!

He doesn't react. Junhui runs to him, blaming his lack of physical activity. His feet are already drowning in his shoes, his lilac streaks clog his view, his clothes stick to his skin.

He didn't want to cry. Didn't want to leave. It was just a question supposed to put things back in place and clear his mind. He should've been ready for that reaction. But the tears came naturally. It was so hard seeing him helpless. It was so hard seeing him unable to answer. It was so hard to understand that nothing would ever happen. So much harder than he thought it would be.

But a hand catches his wrist. A solid grip on his skin makes him turn, eyes hidden by his black streaks completely wet. Minghao removes the hair from his face and discovers a panting Junhui. His eyes are shining, he's out of breath, but he's there.

-What-

He doesn't even know what he was about to ask. What are you doing here? What do you want? What is the problem? What happened to you to be so broken? What happened to me to be so deep in love with you? What will happen for us? Anyway, he can't ask anything. Because in a fraction of second, his face is cupped by Junhui's hands and his lips covered with his.

That's terrible. A nightmare. A horror show. A catastrophic deliciously sweet drama. There's nothing but that sugary taste on his lips, these hands he wished to hold so many times on his skin, tickling the hair area just above his ears. These thousands of tiny knots, tying and untying in his stomach, the fluttering of his heart.

It lasts a handle of seconds. Minghao is about to raise a hand to Jun's shoulder when he breaks the kiss, keeping his hands on his face. Tears are threatening to run down. He's out of breathe, completely soaked, lost. When he seems to finally realize what he just did, his fingers start trembling, slowly sliding down Minghao's cheeks.

_Go away, fear. You're not invited. Now, I'm there to fight. I won't let you barge in. Not now. Not tomorrow. Never. It's over for you._

As Jun's eyes are filling up with panic, Minghao wraps his arms around his shoulders, resting a hand on his lover's head for him to hide his face in his neck. Still shaking, Junhui slides his own arms around the black-haired boy's waist, and tightens him so, so strong.

-You're not alone Jun. Let me help you.

Maybe he didn't hear because of the heavy rain. Maybe he didn't hear because he whispered so weakly. Maybe he didn't hear because of the submersion. But Minghao won't let him go. He won't let him go and suffer alone.

He will cherish these words. He will put them on a pedestal in his mind. He will ring them everytime the voices try to make him doubt.

_You just put a foot in your own grave. It's over for you Junhui. You're too weak._

_No. You're wrong. You lost. I won. You've been too slow. I'll trust him and make you disappear. You won't ever come back._

_But he still doesn't know your secret. He won't stay with you once you tell him. Nobody can still love you after that. You're meant to stay alone forever Junhui._

_That's what we'll see._

Swallowing a sob, Jun unhides his face and sticks his gaze in Minghao's one :

-There's something I need to show you.

The youngest nods. Breaking the hug is a hard thing to do, but their fingers immediately find themselves and their bodies stay linked when Junhui drags him to an unknown place. They walk in silence, the rain infiltrating every single  pore of their skin. But Minghao doesn't care. He is _with_ Junhui. They are together. And just knowing that now he'll be able to do something to help him is already lightening the burden on his heart.

He needs to show him. He needs to break his secret now. Because if he waits, he'll renounce, step down and regret his choice. He needs to prove the voices they're wrong. He needs to prove to himself that he _can_ move on. He can heal. He can start something new.

He can love.

It was indescribable. He didn't let time to the voices to wake up. When he saw that infinite sadness in Mingao's eyes, it was too much. He couldn't let him think that he doesn't feel anything. That sensation was long forgotten but immediately woke up his senses. It was the sweetest thing he ever felt for years. Feeling Minghao's skin under his fingers, under his lips. After that, feeling Minghao's arms around him. He doesn't want to think about the wave of panic that drowned him. He doesn't want to think about anything negative. He just want to let that memory invade his mind and never leave. Minghao's lips. Minghao's skin. Minghao's hair. Minghao's eyes. Minghao's arms.

Minghao.

~

-I'm worrying about Jun...

-Mmh...

Leaning back in his chair, staring at the kitchen ceiling, trying to find a solution to his problem in the tiny stains, Wonwoo doesn't notice that Mingyu isn't listening to him.

-I wonder if I should let him deal with all... _that_ by himself or if I should intervene.

Looking up from the vegetables he was cutting, Mingyu suddenly reconnects to reality. Wonwoo looks exhausted. He arrived early this morning, and yawns from time to time. The young man rubs his hands together and takes a chair to sit in front of the curly-haired boy. He naturally slides a hand on his arm tickling the skin with his fingertips, waiting for him to meet his look. Wonwoo finally lowers the head and takes Mingyu's other hand, sighing.

-You should take care of yourself first. Jun is an adult, and I'm sure Minghao will take care of him.

-That's what I'm worrying about. I don't think it's that easy. I... I don't know what happened to him before Gyu, but it made him so, so fragile. It's not that I don't trust Minghao... it just started so violently between them... I want him to be okay.

Mingyu shyly kisses Wonwoo's cheek to soothe his worries and puts a hand on his neck, resting his face a few centimeters away from his, linking their eyes.

-I know Minghao well. It will be okay for them. Trust me.

-If you say so... what would I do without you?

Mingyu grins and looks up to the ceiling :

-You would probably work too much and be exhausted, you would struggle with paperworks, you wouldn't eat anything healthy, you-

-Oh shut up.

And Wonwoo silences him with a kiss.

~

It feels strange to be at Junhui's place. It feels uncomfortable to not have his hands against his skin. He immediately led him to the bedroom and made him sit on the fluffy bed, where a cat jumped on his knees. Minghao is a bit lost. What are they doing? Stroking the cat's fur to prevent the questions from spinning too fast in his mind, he inspects the room where Jun left him alone. It's as cozy as he could imagine it would be. That's so... him. It exudes his presence, his personnality. Warm colors, hundreds of cushions on the bed, bouquets on the furnitures. And the scent. The sweet, fruity perfume, reminding him of Junhui in so many situations. It reminds him of the first time they really approached each other, when he bursted out laughing. His melodious, cute giggle.

But he's not there. The room is empty. And what hits Minghao is the lack of pictures. There's nothing but a frame on the nightstand with a picture of Junhui and his friends from the flower shop.

No trace of any kind of past.

~

_You know you can still step back. You can still make him leave your place. You can still make him leave your heart before he breaks it. It's not too late. You won't be able to bare the pain Junhui. Not again. You're too weak. Listen to us. Have we ever made you suffer?_

_Yes._

_But it was always to prevent you from an even bigger pain. From something you wouldn't survive. Listen to us Junhui. You will regret it. You will suffer. You will fall. Again and again._

_No. Not this time._

He can almost see the fight inside of his eyes through his reflection in the bathroom mirror. The voices are fighting. They're feeling that he's about to break the toxic grip they had on him for so long. He's about to cut a link of dependency, make the big Jump.

One more step and he'll dive in the darkness.

If the voices are right, he'll crash at the bottom of the abysses, and this time no one will ever be able to repair him. But if they're wrong, and that's what he prays for from the very bottom of his heart, he'll land in the light again.

Junhui blinks many times to calm the storm in his dark eyes and takes a deep sigh. It's almost hurting to breathe. The panic is slowly climbing from his feet, clinging on his wet skin, coming to rescue the powerless voices.

_It's now or never._

He leaves the bathroom and joins Minghao in the bedroom, nervously stroking his cat. He hasn't even taken a step in the room that the raven-haired man looks up, worries painted on his face. He softly puts the cat down and stands up, helpless in the middle of the room.

-You said you studied art at university, here in Seoul, right?

He looks so stressed. So tense and confused. Minghao nods and takes a step forward, his hands instinctively reaching for Junhui but resting in the air, a gap still separating them.

-Yes but I stopped two years ago...

-Then that's enough.

It's so painful to see Jun being so panicked. He closes his eyes. His hands are trembling. Minghao takes one more step and stops when Junhui starts to lift his shirt up, his hands shaking more and more every second that passes. Erasing the distance that separates them, he takes his hands, trying to calm him.

-Hey, what are you doing? Junnie... You don't have to...

A sob. A head shake. Hands back.

-I... I need to show you.

A tear that rolls down. For both of them. Panic for one, genuine worries for the other. A meowing. A thunderclap outside. Another sob. The shirt falls on the floor. Skin finally revealed.

Memories. The curves. The moles. The veins.

Paint smell.

-Wait I- I've already seen... this.

His whole body is shaking crazily. From cold. From fear. It's too much. Junhui bursts in tears. So many memories are coming back like a slap in the face, a punch in the stomach. All the pain he felt. He can't open his eyes. He can't bare to see how Minghao is looking at him. He doesn't want to see the disgust when he'll understand. He doesn't want to watch when he'll leave him alone.

But instead, two arms shroud him warmly. A body covers his bare chest and hugs him tightly. The only thing he's able to do is whispering against Minghao's neck where he buries his face :

-Of course you did. Like everyone else in town.

And after that, the tears turn out of control. His heart is crushed with all the pain coming back. The voices hush. For once, they're indulgent. The pain is already enough. Minghao makes him sit on the bed, still hugging him tightly, rubbing his naked back, stroking his hair.

-Shhh, shhh. It's okay Jun. It's okay.

He feels like dying. He feels suffocating, drowning in tears. He feels so vulnerable, weak. _He_ made him like that. _He_ broke him like that. _He_ ruined his life.

He wanted to explain. He wanted to say so many other things.

_You can leave me. I'd understand. I'd leave myself too if I could. There's so many better persons out there, less weak, less blameworthy. I know pain well enough to bare it if you leave me. That's a lie. But I'd let you go away anyway if you wanted to. I don't deserve you. I don't deserve anything, anyone._

_-_ Junhui. Jun. Listen to me, look at me please.

He doesn't want to. A hug doesn't mean anything. It could be pity. He just want to feel his heat a bit longer, make the moment last. But Minghao forces him to straighten up and face him, cupping his face, just a few centimeters from him. He can hear him breathe. He can smell his perfume. Their noses are almost touching. It's good like that. Why does he have to open his eyes?

-Junnie...

There's sadness in his voice. Don't be egoistic. He finally opens his eyes and sees the tears on his face. He sees the sad smile stretching his lips. Minghao shakes his head and whispers :

-It doesn't matter Jun. It doesn't change anything. It doesn't make who you are. It's okay.

A new sob. And their lips against each other. It melts just the right way, it flutters his heart just how he needs. They don't care about their soaked clothes, the cold infiltrating their skin, the bed sheets slowly becoming wet too, the cat meowing.

They just need that kiss and each other, nothing else.

~

Later that night, Minghao passes and repasses his fingers on his lips. He misses Junhui's contact. Lying on his own bed, he tries to understand. He tries to get how everything happened.

Wen Junhui kissed him. Wen Junhui trusted him. Wen Junhui cried in his arms.

Wen Junhui showed him his weakness, and Xu Minghao understood. That's all he could do.

There were rumors at university. Rumors that the model wasn't aware of the paintings release. But no one ever knew who that body belonged to. And Minghao never tried to know the real story behind that. All he did was study every single detail, every single default, every single speciality of that body. He knows it by heart. He just has to close his eyes to see it. How many hours did he spent by trying to reach the artist's level? How many nights did he spent on studying the style, the feature, the colors?

He never really thought about the fact that the body actually belonged to a real person. A person with feelings.

A person that is Junhui.

~

-This shop stinks love from the corner of the street.

-Good morning to you Jisoo. Bad weekend?

-Really bad.

Jisoo takes his coat off and passes in front of Seokmin to reach the counter. The young man looks at his friend who looks tired and grumpy, which is very unusual for a boy that usually exudes sweetness and kindness.

The shop is quiet for a moment, Seokmin working on a floral arrangement, Jisoo fighting against sleep at the counter, and Hansol exceptionally working in the workshop on his laptop with Minghao, while Seungkwan, Junhui and Mingyu still aren't there. The doorbell makes the two florists startle when the last painter enters the shop with a sleepy face. He waves at the florists and immediately walks to Wonwoo's office.

~

-I already told you, you are the one who chose to break up, it's too late now. Listen, I-

Wonwoo startles when his office door opens and gives way to Mingyu, confused at the view of who is sitting in front of him.

-Oh. I'm. I'm sorry, I'll come back later.

-No, come in Gyu.

The room isn't big, and there's no seat for three people so Wonwoo pats the edge of his desk, just next to him, and Mingyu takes place, looking uncomfortable. Soonyoung and him are staring at each other, obviously not understanding who they are. After a few seconds of silence, Mingyu leans backwards to whisper to Wonwoo :

-What am I doing here? Who is he?

-I can hear you, you know?

Soonyoung is throwing suspicious glares at the tall man and fusses nervously in his chair, crossing his arms. But then he ignores him and sticks his gaze in Wonwoo's one :

-Why is he there? It's a private conversation Wonwoo. I don't understand.

The exasperation is showing in the shop boss eyes. Putting his glasses down on the table and rubbing his face like every time he's facing a problem, he takes a second to breathe deeply, and finally looks at Soonyoung, ignoring the questions.

-You wanted to know why I can't come back with you? Firstly, because _you_ left me. _You_ broke up Soonyoung. And-

-Won, I'm embarrassed I shouldn't be there-

-Again, why is he there? I don't want him to listen to-

-Can't you both hush and listen to me?!

Soonyoung freezes, eyes widely opened, and Mingyu curls up, looking away. Once the silence restored, Wonwoo sighs and catches Mingyu's hand, Soonyoung's look focused on the connection, mouth slowly falling open as he understands. But there's still Mingyu, completely lost, switching from one to the other, slightly blushing because of Wonwoo's gesture.

-So, as I was about to say, if you could both let me finish, there's... there's already someone else. Someone I like.

Mingyu suddenly chokes on his own saliva and Soonyoung's eyes turn darker. His glance embraces Mingyu and Wonwoo, and he nods silently.

He'd like to be sad. Honestly. Even if he's a stranger for him, the disappointment in Soonyoung's eyes makes Mingyu feels sorry for him. But right now, he can only focus on his hand in Wonwoo's one, and the few words he just heard.

_There's already someone else. Someone I like._

-I wish you to be happy. I'm flying back to Tokyo tomorrow. Goodbye.

Wonwoo gives him a sad smile as he leaves the room, resting his hand on the door knob for a few seconds before disappearing and closing the door behind him.

There's a moment of silence, Mingyu looking at the door, trying to collect his thoughts and calm the furious blushing on his cheeks and the crazy beatings of his heart.

-Gyu? Are you okay?

The young man clears his throat before finally looking at Wonwoo who is smiling brightly.

-Hum. Yes. I guess. Did you really mean what you said?

The eldest frowns before chuckling and standing up to reach Mingyu's height. Putting both of his hands in his nape, he sticks their eyes together. A smile stretches his lips when he sees Mingyu's confusion.

-Of course I did. You idiot.

The young man chuckles and looks away before Wonwoo takes his chin and whispers :

-I like you.

This time, Mingyu is the one who takes the lead and kisses Wonwoo, unable to hold back his smile against his lips.

A million of tiny butterflies invades his whole body as they intensify the kiss and Wonwoo fiddles his hair.

-I like you too.

~

-It's your sister's birthday we need to buy her flowers!

-No wait I-

Jisoo looks up from the bouquet he's preparing, recognizing the voice of the person that just entered the shop. Immediately frowning, he hides behind the flowers as Seokmin welcomes the new clients :

-Welcome to... oh. Hi Jeonghan. How... how are you?

-I'm... fine thanks. Are you alone in the shop?

Hurriedly looking for a hideout around him, Jisoo musts face the facts : he can't run away. Faking a smile on his face, he walks to the counter where a blonde man is talking to Seokmin, followed by someone he doesn't know.

-If the question is, "Is Jisoo there?", the answer is yes. Hello Jeonghan.

Utter embarrassment is painted on his face, while the man behind him looks confused. The blonde man looks at him and whispers loud enough for everyone to hear :

-Wait for me outside Seungcheol please, I'm coming in a minute.

-But the flowers...

-We'll go somewhere else.

It's only when he leaves that Jisoo notices their hands in each other and his heart tightens. Jeonghan turns to him and smiles with embarrassment.

-I told him to not come here. I'm... I'm sorry. Have a nice day.

-Wait! It's the only flower shop in the street. You knew you'd come here. That's mean of you. I thought you were less childish.

One last look, and the blonde man disappears, joining his boyfriend on the other side of the showcase. Seokmin turns to Jisoo with a sad smile :

-Are you okay?

-I thought this day couldn't get any worse, I was wrong. This place looks more like a parade of exes than a flower shop. There better not be any more or I leave for today.

-I don't have any-

-Don't. It's much better.

Jisoo enters the workshop and slams the door behind him, leaving Seokmin helpless.

-Well. I guess I'll stay alone.

~

-Jisoo? Are you okay?

The whole world stops spinning when a storm enters the workshop and the florist takes place at the bottom of the room.

-Don't mind me.

Junhui, Minghao, Mingyu and Hansol all look at the young man hounding on a leaf and mumbling, not paying attention to the interrogative look his friends are throwing. Junhui slowly approaches and puts a hand on his shoulder, getting an abrupt gesture to make him step back. When Jisoo finally looks up and shows his face, Junhui discovers his watering eyes and red cheeks.

-Please, leave me alone.

Everyone around is holding their breath when Junhui looks at them, helpless. The only thing he's able to do, despite his friend's reaction, is taking him in his arms, rubbing his back. He can hear him trying to calm his breathing and slowly relaxing under the contact and soon enough he breaks the hug to furiously wipe his eyes.

-It's okay. Thank you.

After that, everyone goes back to work in silence, but there's a slight tension in the atmosphere, nobody being used to Jisoo's inexplicable sorrow. Hansol even tries to talk with him in English to understand what happened, but the young man walls himself up in silence. Later in the morning, when he leaves to go to the restroom, Seokmin enters to take some material and is immediately beset with questions from Junhui.

-Oh. It's... Jeonghan came.

Junhui is the only one to understand what it means in the room. While he feels Mingyu and Minghao sharing interrogative looks behind him, the lilac-haired man sighs.

-Okay. I see.

They share a sad smile, and Seokmin goes back to the front shop. As soon as Jisoo steps in the workshop again, Jun catches him by the shoulders and makes him turn to the door.

-Let's take a break! It's sunny, it would be too bad to stay inside.

-But I don't-

-Yes you do.

And the two florists disappear, leaving the artists and Hansol alone, still not getting what the matter is.

~

-That's still hurting.

Jisoo is lost in the show of milk mixing with his coffee, stirring the drink with an absent gesture.

-It's still recent, you need and deserve time to heal Jisoo. Don't blame yourself.

With a loud sigh, the young man runs a hand through his chestnut hair and smiles falsely :

-Knowing myself, I thought I'd move one quickly but... seeing him with that stranger shook the knife in the wound. I always knew that he broke up because of someone else, and I feel like they came just to brag their love in front of me.

Junhui takes a sip of his cappuccino and tries to choose comforting but wise words. His friend needs to be supported, but he also needs to be reminded that Jeonghan is not only a bad person.

-You... Maybe it wasn't a bad intention. You've been happy together, and even if he moved on, he still has good memories with you Jisoo. But of course, he didn't have to come with his new b- with that boy.

The florist nods and closes his eyes, getting nostalgic at the reminding of the happy times they spent together.

-Thank you Junnie. What about you? You look fine today... better than a few days ago. What's up?

Junhui's smile is enough to explain the whole situation.

~

The last time he felt like that, he was fourteen years old. How strange it is to feel it again as a grown-up man. The smoke is supposed to help him relax, but Minghao can't stop fiddling his sweater laces, waiting at the corner of the street. Every inhaling makes his heart beat a bit faster, the butterflies fly more wildly in his stomach. Is he blushing? The raven-haired man shakes the head to cool down his cheeks. As much as he doesn't want to look like a teenager waiting for his crush, the sensation is making him smile irreparably.

There he is. Appearing in his black leather jacket covering a light blue shirt, the last glimpse of sun waving goodbye behind him before gifting place to the deep blue night sky.

 _Tadam. Tadam. Tadam_.

~

It's been a long time. He's feeling light-hearted. He's feeling fine again.

The voices are hushing. They left him in peace for the past 24 hours. He wants to enjoy that silence in his head. Nothing to blame him. Nothing to whisper that he's about to fall again. It probably won't last long before a new storm, a new wave of reproaches against himself, but now, _right now_ , everything's fine.

He waited for this moment all day. It was hard to look at him with a normal glance. He wanted to snuggle up in his arms, feeling as safe as yesterday. He wanted to feel his hands in his, to inhale his perfume.

It's hard to manage himself to not run in the street. _You're an adult Wen Junhui. Behave yourself_. The light breeze stroking his hair and filling up his lungs helps him to contain the flutterings of his heart when he crosses a turning point and his silhouette stands out in the already dark street.

The tiny glimmer of his cigarette is enough to light up his face and the smile he offers him as soon as their eyes meet.

 _Tadam. Tadam. Tadam_.

~

-Hey.

-Hey.

Their smiles are enough, replacing the words they can't choose. It's been a long time since Junhui smiled so sincerely.

-You... where do you want to go?

The eldest shrugs, trying his best to control the heat in his cheeks.

-Maybe... I'd like to see where you live.

-Oh. I. Hum. Yes! Okay, but there's no cat.

A soft chuckle escapes from him as he offers Minghao his most genuine smile :

-I should survive.

~

-Woah...

His expectations were a thousand miles away of what Junhui discovers when Minghao turns the lights of his studio on. A fresco of a night sky enlightens the whole room composed of an opened kitchen and a living room furnished with a deep blue sofa. Jun is stunned, still standing in the lobby while Minghao already took his long coat off and put it on a stool.

-You know, you can enter. May I take your jacket?

The young man is pulled out of his admiration and smirks at Minghao's sudden courtesy. This one can't hide his surprise when Jun takes his jacket off and displays his naked arms. He changed after work to put on a t-shirt. He needed to rummage his whole closet, the only times he wears sleeveless clothes being when he stays at home. Handing him the jacket, Junhui giggles :

-Careful, your eyes are about to fall Hao.

Hearing his nickname for the first time, the youngest looks up from Jun's arms and smiles softly, still not over what he's wearing.

-You... It's unusual.

-I don't need to hide from you now.

The surprise widens his eyes even more, and Minghao is found speechless. Junhui erases the distance between them and boldly dares to caress his cheek, cherishing that so missed contact. His fingers have been craving to touch his soft skin for the whole day. Minghao looks down on his remaining hand and catches it, caressing his knuckles with the thumb.

-Does that mean that... nobody else knows?

Jun shakes his head and slides his hand from Minghao's cheek to his arm, lowering the head to rest it on his shoulder. The raven hair tickles his nose as he smells the now well-known sweet mix of tobacco, paint and fresh laundry detergent. It seems like a nothing could break the balance of this instant. Minghao feels obligated to whisper to not damage it :

-I'm... touched. Thank you Jun. It means a lot.

Softly unlocking their fingers, he climbs step by step on Junhui's forearm, feeling him slightly shiver under the light contact, and he senses it. It's invisible at the eye, but there's no doubt when his thumb passes above tiny dents. It's really thin, neat, almost gone.

-Junhui.

-It's old. I... it's from a long time ago.

Not caring about the equilibrium he was scared to not break a few seconds earlier, Minghao straightens up the head to look at Junhui in the eyes. His irises are serious, but worries are showing up at the bottom of the dark half-moons.

Approaching to stick their foreheads together, the eldest whispers, so close that Minghao can sense his breathe warming his face up :

-I promise. Trust me.

It feels so natural. A hand sliding on his nape, the other one looking for his waist while he strokes his hair, playing with his earring, and their lips against each other. Again. Flutterings. Hurricane. Butterflies. Sea storm.

Genuine ease.

~

-That's when I painted this fresco that I decided to leave university. I understood that I could never learn what I really wanted at school. I needed to spread my wings and try by myself.

-That's brave. Since when are you in Korea?

Minghao takes a sip of wine, gently stirring his glass as he gets lost in contemplation. That scenery is his most cherished memory of his native country. He tightens his grip on Junhui's hand, who's lying his back against his shoulder on the sofa.

-I don't remember exactly. Seven or eight years, maybe. And you?

It's Junhui's turn to come back in time. He sees himself, at the airport, carrying an enourmous luggage, ready to change his life. _He_ was there. _He_ already knew what would happen. But _he_ did it anyway. Jun closes his eyes and sighs. Even if it's well hidden, Minghao hears the tremor in his voice.

-Three years and a half.

He doesn't ask anything. He'd like to know so many things about Junhui, but he chooses to hush. It's obvious that this part of his life is painful to remember. The periods match, the paintings appeared at university a few months later. Minghao leans to put his glass down on the low table and installs himself more comfortably to take Jun in his arms. The young man's back is now resting against his chest, wrapped by his arms, softly caressing his hands.

-Thank you Hao.

He lowers the head to put a kiss on his neck and whispers :

-Why?

-For understanding. For accepting me.

He tightens his grip a bit stronger and remains with his lips on Jun's collarbone, unable to say anything. He trusts him. He opened the doors of his deepest fears and welcomed him in it. The lilac streaks tickle his ear as Junhui raises a hand to put it on Minghao's neck, making him deepen the pression of his kiss. After a few seconds, he looks up and Jun turns the head to make their lips meet.

He's turning addict to that contact he thought he'll never be able to enjoy again. It makes him feel alive, it makes him feel all these terribly sweet sensations in his body, in his heart. Minghao increases the pression of their kiss as he slides a hand on Jun's waist, getting a smile against his lips.

But for a short, tiny too long second, he feels his hesitation, the slight shaking of his hands. Suspending the kiss, Minghao softly catches his wrists, murmuring out of breathe :

-We... you don't have to-

Junhui chuckles and releases his hand to turn and face Minghao, kneeling next to him on the sofa. He's looking down, but when he straightens up the head, the sincerity of his smile could kill him on the spot. There's nothing left to block their way, hold them back, there's no more fear in his eyes.

_Don't rush. We won't stay still forever Junhui. Don't forget your scars. Don't forget the pain._

_Shut up. It's graved in me I can't forget. Leave me alone. I don't need you. Not now. Never._

As a way of defiance to the voices, as a way to give himself conviction, as a way to put an end to Minghao's wait, Jun leans forward, wrapping his arm around his nape and takes his breath with a strong kiss.

He's so different. When their tongues dance together, he's not the same. When his right hand rummage his dark hair, it's not who he thought he knew. It's not the same man than yesterday who slides his left hand under his shirt, making him shiver.

It is him. It is Wen Junhui. He is the man he loves. He loves him. He's in love with him. Putting words on his feelings makes Minghao's heart beat crazily as he smiles against Jun's mouth. He hesitates for a second before putting a hand on his lower-back to pull him closer, but Junhui immediately reacts and soon enough their bodies embrace each other like two pieces of a puzzle.

It's good. Feeling Minghao's warm skin under his palm is awakening every sense that has been sleeping for too long. But when the hand on his back passes under his t-shirt, when the contact is created, a flashback makes Junhui flinch and moan.

He _touched you like that too._

It's stronger than him. Even with all the will of the world, he can't relegate the voices at the back of his mind. The trigger bell has been ringed. Panting, he breaks the kiss, out of breathe, and leans his head on Minghao's chest.

-Please... please not now. Not yet.

The hand immediately leaves his skin and ends up on his hair as the other one caresses his cheek.

-Don't go too fast Junnie. We've got all our time, softly whispers Minghao.

The young man nods and snuggles in his arms, chasing the memories coming to his mind. The peace is back. The storm was just passing by. It's avoided for today.

As Junhui's breathing slows down, Minghao soothes, lost in the ceiling contemplation. There's so many remaining questions, so many unknowns.

_We've got all our time._

 


	4. Chapter 4

-Seokmin I need your help.

-M... me?

Hansol looks around the empty shop and nods to the startled florist, pointing at himself with widened eyes.

-There's no one else I can ask this.

The surprise gives place to utter curiosity and the young man leans on the counter, chin resting in his hands.

-What can I do?

He's never seen Hansol so embarrassed, it's something really new for this boy he thought was only a calm and relaxing person. Fiddling his beanie, he avoids Seokmin's eyes and mumbles :

-I want to learn how to... to... to f...rt.

-To what?

-To... to flirt.

It's too much. Seokmin chokes on his saliva and bursts out laughing. Hopefully, they're alone in the shop and no one else than Hansol can hear his crazy guffaws. The brown-haired boy stares at him with eyes widely opened, not knowing how he should take this reaction. When the florist is calmed down, he wipes a tear and shakes the head, looking at his friend with an amused smile :

-I'm probably the worst person you could ask this. I, myself, don't even know how to flirt... who do you want to flirt with?

In a fingersnap, Hansol's face is invaded with blood, his cheeks as red as a tomatoe. Biting his lips, he closes his eyes to give himself strength.

-S...Seung...Seungkwan.

This time, Seokmin slams his hand on the wooden counter to hold back a choked scream, making Hansol startle and widen his eyes again.

-Okay so that's serious I guess. Maybe there's more hope for me to help you... so... you two...?

Seokmin twists his fingers in the air with a grin, mimicking two persons kissing, and Hansol already regrets his decision to ask for help. But when he sees the young man pouting with disappointment, Seokmin turns serious again and sits correctly on his stool, ready to listen to him. With a head sign, he encourages Hansol to explain.

-I... He... We hang out, we get along well but... I don't know how I should interpret his behavior. He's clingy, he acts sometimes cute but... I feel like it's simply his natural personality.

The florist is about to open his mouth and speak, but the door bell rings and two strangers enter the shop.

-Uh hello? Excuse me the shop is still closed-

A short guy makes Seokmin hush with a sign and rummages his pocket to take a card out.

-Lee Jihoon. Bailiff. Here's my assistant, Lee Chan. Chan, start taking note of everything present there. Where's the boss of this place?

As unique answer, the man gets two statues, mouth opened and eyes widened. Realizing that they're supposed to say something when the bailiff loudly sighs, Seokmin suddenly stutters :

-Hum. Huh. He. He's not there. For. For the moment. I-

-What's going on there?

As soon as he takes a step in the shop, the called Jihoon turns to Seungkwan wielding his card, frowning at the florist.

-Are you Jeon Wonwoo?

Careful to not touch him, Seungkwan avoids him with a confused face, shaking the head, but he bumps in the assistant who shoots him with a glare and comes back to his notes.

-Who are you?

-I'm Lee Jiho- are you Jeon Wonwoo?

This time, the door is barely opened when he jumps on, for real this time, Wonwoo. The young man nods, panic already eating his face. It had to happen someday. Jihoon stays silent, the shop boss already reading his card. With a sigh, he waves at him to follow him and they disappear in his office.

-Gross. Ridiculous. What the HELL?

-Seungkwan. Please.

The florist angrily glares at Hansol and hides his face in his palm. It can't happen. It must be a nightmare.

-Excuse me little guy but... what exactly are you doing here?

Chan, as he's called, scowls at Seungkwan, tightening his notebook, teeth grinding. He approaches the blonde boy and smirks, taking a sardonic voice :

-Well, we're about to close this shop because you're going bankrupt. It's not the end yet, but it's sloooowly falling down, and soon poof! it'll be finished.

Hansol has to hold Seungkwan back from jumping on the bailiff and kill him. He wraps his arms around his chest from behind. The florist struggles to break free for a few seconds, but soon enough he gives up and leans his back against Hansol's chest, defeated.

-Holy crap.

~

-What do we do?

-About what?

It feels so natural. So comfortable. They woke up numb, huddled together on the sofa, they ate breakfast together, they left his place together. But now, something breaks the naturalness. Junhui looks down on their pinky fingers crossed together as they walk in the street, and Minghao imitates him, understanding what he means. The young man shrugs with a bright smile.

-If you're okay with it, then I am too.

He can't help but feel his heart flutter as they intertwine their fingers and make their way to the flower shop.

It's only when they cross the road that they see two men in suits leaving the store, and their colleagues obviously arguing behind the vitrine. Minghao and Junhui share a worried glance as they speed up the pace to reach the shop. Jun walks faster, and their hands naturally leave each other when he pushes the door open, nobody noticing their entrance.

-You should've told us! We're your employees we deserve to know Wonwoo!

-Seungkwan please... I didn't know it was this serious, I thought we had more time!

-But you-

-SEUNGKWAN ENOUGH!

-Seungkwan calm down you-

-Everything started since you arrived! Who are you to yell at me Mingyu?!

The atmosphere is electric. Tense and even agressive. In a fingersnap, not really thinking about what he's doing, Junhui finds himself between Mingyu and Seungkwan who almost jumped at each other's throats, a hand on each of their chest. Minghao immediately rescues him, retaining his friend and freeing one of Jun's hand.

As everyone seems to realize what could have happened and notice their presence, the florist asks with an unusual cold voice :

-What the hell is going on?

Seungkwan chases his hand away, breathing like an ox, shooting Mingyu with his glance. Wonwoo is hidden behind the painter, and all the florists plus Hansol are recessed behind Seungkwan.

-I think it's time for a crisis meeting.

~

-We WHAT?!

They cleared away the material and the flowers to gather tables and chairs, and everyone is now sitting in a circle when Junhui stands up, slamming a hand on the table. Minghao, just next to him, looks up with a startled gaze. He has never seen him like that.

-Junnie sit down please... There's nothing I can do about it, we have two months to increase our turnover, or else we'll have to close the shop.

The lilac-haired man slowly sits down and clenches his fists, teeth gritting, closing his eyes to stay calm and not get angry against Wonwoo. Minghao slides a hand under the table on his knee, trying to comfort him, but Junhui doesn't react, too focused on not blowing up.

-You know I can't lose this job, right? You know me better than anyone else Won.

When he finally opens his eyes to look at his friend, tears are threatening to run down and Minghao's helplessness grows up. Jun's words are hurting : even if he wants to help him so badly, he's right, he doesn't know anything about his life. He tightens his grip on his leg, and Jun's hand finally meet him, clutching his fingers as a way to control his emotions.

-I know Jun. I don't want anyone to lose his job, trust me.

A deathly silence settles in as everyone considers the lack of possibilities they have. The tension is still there, hovering above them like a major threat. Just a wrong move and everything crashes. After long seconds, Hansol dares to look up and clears his throat :

-Hum. We should maybe leave? We're taking a lot of place and...

Panic immediately shows in Wonwoo's eyes, and his first reflex is to cling on Mingyu's sleeve, who's keeping his eyes closed. The shop boss looks at the painters and Hansol with desperate eyes and his voice cracks :

-No you can't leave I-

-Maybe that's the best solution.

Seungkwan's voice resonates for a second as everyone hushes to look at him. Since the bailiffs entrance, anger has been painted on his face and didn't leave him. Arms crossed on his chest, the excited and soft boy is long disappeared. It is not hard to notice the pain in Hansol's eyes when he turns to his friend.

-Seungkwan, you're jumping to conclusions too fast. The sales have been low for a long time, their presence didn't change anything.

Jisoo, who has remained silent from the beginning of the day, seems to bring back a small, tiny glimpse of peace.

-I'm taking any proposal you have, we need to try anything we can.

Without warning, Seungkwan stands up with a loud sigh and makes his way to the door.

-I'm taking a day off. Count on me for tomorrow.

Not letting time for Wonwoo to answer anything, he disappears in the street and leaves everyone silent behind him. Nobody noticed it, but the boss's cheeks are slowly getting soaked with tears, and Mingyu is now openly hugging him. He looks at everyone, and it is not hard to understand that he's taking his lover's place for a moment.

-We won't open the shop today. Take time to collect your ideas and think about solutions.

Junhui's fingers have been trembling for a few minutes in Minghao's hand when he stands up, making his chair creak on the slate floor. He opens the mouth, closes it again, and leaves the room too. Not a look at Minghao nor anyone else.

Jisoo calmly gets up, makes a dice to squeeze Wonwoo's shoulder and whispers to Mingyu :

-Take care of him.

The young man nods and Jisoo leaves the other men alone. Minghao and Hansol stare at each other, not knowing what to do. Their hearts are yelling to run after Seungkwan and Junhui, but the critic situation is making them hesitate. Hansol is finally the first one to move and follow everyone else outside, silently.

Seokmin is still there. He hasn't said a word during the whole "meeting" that just consisted on telling Junhui and Minghao what was going on, and letting everyone leave. He straightens up the head when Minghao is about to stand up too and look at the three remaining person :

-I think I've got an idea.

~

_You see? We warned you Junhui. We told you what would happen. You haven't listened to us. All we want is_ _the best for you_ _. But you chose that situation. And now, everything is starting over again._

_Shut up! Leave me alone, shut up, shut up, shut up._

Junhui is running with all his might to reach his apartment before exploding, before breaking in a million of irreparable shards. The voices are too loud. They're stabbing him right in the heart, over and over again. Shrouding him, wrapping their claws around him, slowing him down. He's out of breath, panting, his legs are hurting, his lungs are burning, but he can't stop. He needs to get home, he needs to be in a safe place. A flashback of an empty apartment cuts his breath making him stop in the middle of the street, under curious stares. But then he runs again, he can't stop.

_You've made a mistake. Again. Your life is a mistake Junhui. Your life is a failure, your whole existence is made of mistakes. You are a mistake._

_That's wrong. Shut up. Leave me alone._

His hands are shaking so much that it takes him twenty long seconds to unlock his door, the key falling on the floor again and again. As soon as the door is closed behind him, he wants to join his room but his legs give up. Clinging on a shelving, he makes a vase fall with him on the floor with a loud noise, crashing between the shards and the water. The voices are yelling, harassing him, blaming him for everything. They must hush. He needs them to hush. It's unbearable. He covers his ears, tears coming out like a wave, submerging him underwater, cutting his breath, burning his entire body.

_That's because of that guy. If you didn't fell in love, it wouldn't have happened, you'd have seen what was happening, you'd have been able to change things. But you fell again. You committed a huge mistake again. You ruined everything again. This job was the only thing you got, you're gonna end up alone again, lost again._

_That's wrong. I've got Ming-_

_No. He's gonna leave you, he's gonna abandon you. He's gonna break you. Because you don't deserve him. You do nothing but fail, why would you deserve him? Why would you deserve happiness? Why would you deserve love? You deserve nothing Junhui._

-STOP! Please stop, shut up please. Stop stop stop.

His voice cracks, talking is making him curl up on the floor, trying to make them leave. They're still here, they won't leave him, they won't stop. He suffocates, choking on his sobs, unable to make anything than beg them to hush.

_Remember what happened. Remember the pain you felt when you understood. When you understood that he left. That he left you Junhui. When you understood that there was no turning back possible. The pain you felt when you were alone. Remember-_

-NO! I DON'T WANT TO! Please leave me alone, please please please.

He's drowning. The dark he jumped in has no end. There's no light at the end. The dark water closes on him as he sinks in.

~

It's a good idea. He hopes it'll work. He will pray for it to work. It needs to work. It has to work.

Minghao speeds the pace. He needs to find Junhui.

-Please be at home...

They talked about Seokmin's idea for ten minutes. It takes him ten more minutes to get to Jun's place. That makes twenty minutes. Nothing serious can happen in twenty minutes, right? Suddenly feeling angst growing up in his chest, Minghao finally decides to run.

_Please make that he's okay. Please he needs to be okay._

But he's not. As soon as the young man reaches the floor, he hears it. The screams. The crying. The angst explodes as panic and Minghao knocks crazily at the door.

-Junhui! Jun open the door!

Who is he talking to? He's not alone. But there's no other voice on the other side of the door. He tries to open it, and hopefully it's not locked. But what he sees once inside the apartment makes his heart skip a beat. There's no one else than Junhui. He's on the floor, surrounded by shards, curled up on himself, covering his ears, crying and murmuring.

Minghao rushes to him and falls on his knees. But he doesn't touch him. Junhui is so shaken by his tremblings that it would be dangerous. And he's scared. So scared to hurt him, startle him, deepen the crisis.

-Jun! Junnie do you hear me?

The young man doesn't react. He continues on sobbing, and when he uncovers his ears to cling on the floor, Minghao sees the worse : his skin is bleeding from how much he scratched it, the blood runs down his face, mixed with his tears. The dark-haired man's heart stops beating as the fear takes possession of him. What can he do? Junhui keeps on shaking and crying, the only difference from when he entered is that he's not screaming anymore, now only his lips move as he murmures against the parquet floor.

In the short term, the importance is to stop him from hurting himself. Afraid to startle him, Minghao softly puts his hands on his ears, not getting any reaction. When a new wave hits Junhui, he's about to scratch himself again, but he doesn't notice Minghao's hands and attacks them instead.

He can do nothing but wait. His hands hurt, but his heart does even more. Junhui is trapped, just in front of him, and he can't do anything to save him. So, Minghao softly starts to sing the lullaby he heard Jun singing one month ago. To appease both of them. To control his own panic growing as time passes.

After long minutes of tears, whisperings, scratches, the silence crashes like a rock. Junhui's hands fall and he stops breathing for a second which makes Minghao straighten up in panic. He doesn't even have time to react that Jun suddenly opens widely his eyes and inhales, suffocating, scratching on the floor, as if he didn't want to fall. He looks completely lost. But he's awake. Lying on the side, he sees Minghao next to him and sits up abruptly to throw himself in his arms, clinging on him, tightening him so strong, panting.

-Minghao...

-Shhh, I'm here, it's finished Jun. Breathe in, it's finished, shhh.

The dark-haired man is hugging him tightly too, so relieved that the crisis is finally done. Junhui is almost choking him, gasping for air, still not getting what happened, but he doesn't care. All that matters is that he's awake now.

-Junnie, breathe slowly, calm down, shhh. It's okay Jun, you're okay.

Tears of relief silently fall on Minghao's cheeks as he rubs Junhui's back, slowly breathing normally again. With a loud sigh, still shaking, he unties his arms and backs off to look at Minghao.

-What... what happened? Why did I do?

He doesn't remember. He doesn't know. The young man wants to cup his face, but as soon as he raises his hands, Junhui's eyes fall on the blood and the scars, and he catches his wrists.

-What did you do Hao? How have you done this?

His eyes widen. He really doesn't have any memory. Minghao stands up, reaching for Junhui's trembling hand to help him get up too, not steady on his legs yet. He follows him, obviously confused, and the youngest leads him to the bathroom where he makes him stand in front of the mirror. For a second, Jun doesn't understand. He looks at the blood on his face, the marks next to his ears, and he suddenly makes the connection.

-No. No. No Minghao no, don't tell me- No.

The fear musts stay away. At all costs. He immediately cups his face to make it step back, diving his dark irises in Junhui's ones :

-Hey it's okay. Really. You're the priority Jun. Don't worry about me it's nothing serious.

The tears had stopped since he woke up, but now Junhui's eyes are filling up again as he can't stop looking at Minghao's hands in the mirror.

-I'm sorry Hao, I'm so sorry.

Without warning, Minghao's eyes overflow with tears, his heart crushing from seeing Junhui suffering so much. He pulls him closer and hugs him tightly, making him hide his face on the hollow of his neck.

-I'm sorry for you Jun. I want you to be happy. To be safe.

~

_I hate you. I want you to disappear. I want you to leave my mind and never come back. I hate you so much. You're making my life a nightmare. You're ruining my life. I can perfectly live without you._

He drowned for what seems to be hours. He was lost in a dark ocean, just wanting to emerge and make the voices hush. He felt so alone. Desperately alone. But now that he's in Minghao's arms, he's realizing something. If he didn't drown deeper, it was because he was not, in fact, alone.

He was there. He was present, next to him. He was slowly pulling him out. Holding him from sinking. And now that he is crying, he understands that his tears are from gratitude. He's not alone. He won't be alone. Never again. The voices can tell whatever they want, Junhui knows, he understands, he comprehends that they won't ever make him drown again. He just needs to learn how to ask for help, to reach for a hand before it's too late.

-You saved me.

Minghao sobs and tightens his arms even more around his back. Junhui feels the voices helplessness. He senses their slow acknowledgement of Minghao's power on them. Since he woke up, they've been silent. He can feel that they're still here, staring at what is going on. Understanding that it's too late. That a step was taken, and that their job is slowly fading.

Sometimes, before it gets better, the darkness has to get bigger.

_I'm not alone._

_~_

-Wonwoo, hey. Please wipe your tears. Babe are you listening?

The store is empty. They're the last ones present. Wonwoo has been silently crying since everyone left, even if Seokmin proposed an idea. Mingyu went to buy coffee when Wonwoo asked him to leave him alone for some minutes, but now that he's back, seeing him crying is tightening his heart. But it's also making him angry, because he doesn't want to see him so down.

Putting the cups down, he sits next to his lover, who's hiding his face with both of his hands, elbows on the table. Mingyu chases his hands away and catches his chin, forcing him to look at him in the eyes, and sticks a serious and strict glare in them.

-Now, I talk, you listen. Okay? When we met, one of the first thing you told me was concerning your dream Wonwoo. Your dream to open your own flower shop, to do what you love. And ever since, I saw you working so hard to achieve that dream. It's been five years Wonwoo. You opened that shop three years ago. You've been leading it with a master hand, I saw you happy. Truly. I remember the first day I came here, at Blooming Scenery. The smile on your face was the most beautiful thing I ever saw. To be honest, that's when my feelings started to develop. I fell in love with the happiness you were exuding from realizing your dream. You can't give up. I want to see that smile again. Every day. Til the end of my life. You can't let your dream die like that. You need to fight. I want to fight at your side. I want to hold your hand and be your pilar when you flinch.

He lets go of Wonwoo's chin, overwhelmed by his feelings. The young man stays silent for a few seconds, staring at Mingyu with no apparent feeling. He just stays like that, cold, impassive, maybe lost? But then, with no warning, he declares :

-I love you Mingyu.

Rather than smiling, rather than saying it back, rather than kissing him, Mingyu straightens up in his chair and widens his eyes.

-Wait, is that the only thing you've retained from what I said? Really, I said all of that for nothing?

An unexpected chuckle escapes from Wonwoo as he gently slaps his lover's shoulder. A caring smile stretches his lips and he catches Mingyu's hand.

-I would be glad to have your hand in mine to fight.

~

He wanted to follow him. Sincerely. But a feeling he was not used to held him back : he was angry. Angry and hurt.

Walking is actually helping him to empty his mind and cool his head down. Seungkwan has been mean. Hurting. And Hansol doesn't want to see him for the moment. Even if there's nothing real between them, he felt like he shouldn't have spoken like that. Even as a friend. There was hate in his eyes when he said that they should leave the shop.

He's lost. He doesn't know what to do, what to think about the whole situation. What to feel. Maybe it's a sign, one more reason for him to not fall in love. One more reason to not let every little detail of Seungkwan charm him. His laugh, his smile, his humor. His bright eyes, his cute cheeks, his soft hair. His hugs, their playing sessions.

-Damn it. I'm fucked up, whispers the young man, kicking a trash on his path.

~

He is so scared to hurt him that it's cute. Once their tears wiped, Minghao decided that he needed to heal Jun's wounds, but his hands are shaking from how much care he takes to not harm him. They're both sitting on Junhui's bed, Minghao softly dabbing his skin with an alcohol-soaked cotton.

-I'm ready. To explain you.

Junhui is as surprised as Minghao of what he just said. Out of the blue, the idea came to his mind and he hasn't even had the time to think of it before saying it. But it's true. He's ready. He doesn't want Minghao to stay unaware of his past for any more second. He needs to show him that he trusts him with his whole heart. He _wants_ him to know.

Minghao's mouth slowly falls open as his hand remains in the air, his eyes filling up with surprise.

-You... you sure?

Jun nods, takes the cotton off his hand and laces his fingers with his. His heart is already beating faster, but he doesn't want to let the fear lead him. He needs to say it. He needs to speak.

-I am. More than ever.

~

This is the story of a young boy, slowly becoming an adult. Things are not easy at home with his parents. Things are not easy at school, the only things interesting him are flowers. Things are not easy in his heart, he's struggling to know himself.

This is the story of a young boy falling in love. In love with a man that promises him mounts and wonders. He says that he's in love. He bewitches the young boy. He's a painter. He charms him, painting him, drawing him. They spend all their time together. The young boy is in love. He trusts him.

This is the story of two young men leaving their country. Going abroad to make one's career start. The young boy is still there. He follows his heart, he leaves his family, everything he knows. He's more in love than ever.

This is the story of an adventure. The young boy is not, in fact, a young boy anymore. He's a man. A man that suddenly discovers a whole new world. The love is still there, filling his heart. He's still being painted, drawn. They live together, everything turns around the painter's career. He seems happy. Something is going to happen soon.

This is the story of an empty apartment. The man goes home, and there's nothing but his luggage. Misunderstanding. Panic. He doesn't know this country. He's alone. He's lost.

This is the story of paintings. Everywhere. He searches for his lover at university. But what he finds pulls the trigger. He recognizes these drawings hung up everywhere on the walls. It's his body. He recognizes the signature. He's feeling uncomfortable. Everyone can see his body. Everyone knows him. Better than he does himself.

This is the story of a heartbreak. Understanding. The man's lover left him. With no warning. With no message. The only trace of his existence left is the paintings. And his broken heart. His broken mind. He's left alone in that foreign country. He's left alone in that empty apartment.

This is the story of voices. Shyly infiltrating his mind, they soon enough control him fully, tell him how to live, tell him how to protect himself, how to build himself in a protective cage. He's left alone with the voices.

This is the story of a broken man. The story of Wen Junhui.

~

It felt almost easy. Junhui tells everything in retrospect, as a spectator. And Minghao listens. He squeezes his lover's hands when the story complicates, when he understands, when he suffers at the same time of the young boy. And he's admiring him. Admiring him for having survived.

When Jun straightens up the head, once done, he crosses Minghao's eyes and sees himself through it. He did it. After so many years, he finally got his head out of the water. It maybe can't be considered as moving on for the moment, he's not done with these dark memories that probably won't ever stop haunting him from time to time, but it's an improvement. A huge step towards healing.

Silence. No need to fill it up. They just caress each other's hands as they both get lost in thoughts, memories for one, admiration for the other.

Minghao shyly dares to break the silence :

-But... why didn't you come back to China Jun?

A smile stretches his lips. A bittersweet smile.

-I couldn't. I left home at eighteen to follow a man I barely knew. How could I come back? "Hi Dad, hi Mum, I'm back because that guy left me alone after releasing paintings of my naked body in the whole country." That was kinda... complicated. They still don't know anything. Hey, what's wrong? Honey why are you crying?

That's only when he asks that Minghao senses the tears on his cheeks. Jun raises a hand and wipes them, resting it on his face. As the young man leans in his hand and squeezes the one that he's still holding, he swallows a sob.

-I can't believe you went through all of this alone. Let me stay with you please.

Junhui throws himself in his arms, making the both of them fall on the mattress as they giggle. Jun intertwines their legs together and hides his face in Minghao's neck, tickling him when he whispers :

-Stay with me.

~

It feels like they went through a war.

The tables are still gathered and Jisoo initiates to put them back in place with Seungkwan before opening the shop. Seokmin is arranging the flowers they've been delivered, and Wonwoo is already locked in his office with Mingyu to, at least that's what they said, prepare an action plan to increase the sales.

Everyone is silent, not knowing if they should talk about their worries or do as if nothing happened. Seungkwan is especially uncomfortable because of his behavior of the eve and doesn't know if he's supposed to apologize or act normally.

The doorbell rings. Minghao and Junhui enter. Everyone looks up to them. Eyes widely opened with surprise. Seungkwan's usual self jumps up in a fingersnap as he rushes to them, gaze focused on their hands.

-WEN JUNHUI. How- I mean- What- No wait- Why-

-Oh Seungkwan shut up please.

He kills Jisoo with a glare and looks back at Junhui and his bright smile while Minghao blushes behind him. After the surprise, his face lights up with happiness and he joyfully hugs his friend, looking then at Minghao who already looks embarrassed at the idea of hugging him. So Seungkwan pats his shoulder from afar with a tiny smile and goes back helping Jisoo who looks exasperated of waiting for him to carry the tables.

-Congrats.

Hansol enters behind them, mumbling, and immediately reaches the table that serves as his desk with a cold face. His arms are charged with empty boxes, and it's only when he starts putting his stuff in it that everyone reacts. Minghao is the first one to rush to him and catches his wrist.

-What are you doing?

Everyone stopped moving and waits for his answer. There's no emotion on Hansol's face when he shrugs and frees his hand.

-Even if my presence doesn't affect the sales, I feel like I'm not welcomed here. Plus, that's not a lot but my place still frees a bit of space. I can work from home.

Seungkwan's heart immediately tightens as he lets the table he was carrying fall on the floor, getting an angry sigh from Jisoo, and he walks to Hansol with determined steps, takes him by the arm and drags him to the workshop where he closes the door behind them.

-What do you want Seungkwan?

He looks angry. Disappointed. Sad. He knows it's because of him.

-Are you stupid or what?

-If it's for insulting me, I better go.

The blonde boy slams his own face and grumbles. He then catches Hansol's wrist again and sticks their eyes together.

-I'm an idiot. An asshole, okay? I didn't think of any single word I said yesterday. I'm sorry Hansol.

His brain is about to explode because of the chaos spinning crazily in it, and his heart will soon stop working, but Seungkwan puts a peck on the startled boy's lips and lets go of his hand.

-You better stay okay? I could get really angry.

He blushes furiously and leaves the room, slamming the door behind him. While all the eyes are focused on him, he mumbles :

-He's staying.

~

-Seokmin you're a genius.

-To be honest, Minghao did the job, all I did was having the idea to develop it.

Once everyone arrived and the shop was back to normal, Wonwoo and Mingyu went out of the office to explain the plan. It's brilliant. It could even make them earn more than before. Everyone is stunned and hyped about the idea.

-Don't be modest Seokmin.

Jisoo gently slaps his back as the young man covers the blushing of his cheeks and brightly smiles.

-Now, at work! Don't be afraid to think big, that's what we need. Hansol, I'm counting on you to spread the news as widely as possible! We've got two weeks to prepare the new agencement of the store, and then, we'll have one month and a half to make it work.

Wonwoo's sorrow is long erased. His lover chose his words well and succeeded on making him ready to fight. Seungkwan apologized to everyone for his behavior, Hansol's wish to leave is long forgotten, and everybody is excited to start their project.

~

For someone who banned art and used to hate it, it suddenly took a huge place in his life again. And it's not as horrible as he thought it'd be. The paint scent has been filling up the room from the morning, and he doesn't want to throw up like he did a month earlier. He's not getting on his own nerves because of the proximity of the paint.

Junhui is feeling good. For real.

As he looks at Minghao painting passionately, a smile stretches his lips. He's so grateful. If he's okay, it's in part thanks to him. During the night, when he had a nightmare, when he woke up drowning in his sweat, panting, Minghao was there. He comforted him, he took him in his arms, he whispered sweet words, he helped him to fall asleep again. He chased the voices away. That's the only opportunity they found to haunt Jun again. During his sleep, he can't make them leave, he can't ignore them. They're able to take the lead on his mind, controlling and blaming him again.

But what are a few nightmares when he can feel good all the day? It doesn't matter. One day or another they'll give up. They'll understand that they can't win against his will.

Against Minghao.

The painter looks up from his work and notices his lover's gaze. A smile stretches his lips and he goes back to work. If only things could be as simple as that forever.

He truly hopes it from the bottom of his heart.

~

-Remember the favor you owe me?

They've been focused on preparing publicity for the whole day, and Seungkwan looks like a robot when his tired eyes leave the computer screen to stick in Hansol's.

-Huh... yeah?

They didn't talk about what happened in the morning, and Hansol felt furious flutterings in his heart all the day, frustrated of the speed of the kiss. He doesn't care if he blushes when he tells Seungkwan :

-Come home tonight. I mean... come at _my_ place. For once.

He's so exhausted of the computer waves that he just takes it in the first degree, obeying without much think about Hansol's true will. Holding back a yawning, the blonde boy nods, just dreaming to sleep.

~

-Looks like we're the only two remaining.

All this romantic vibe floating in the air is seriously getting on Jisoo's nerves. He just needs a few days to get used to it, but for now, his savior is sarcasm. Seokmin shoulders him with a grin and winks :

-It can be arranged you know.

The eldest freezes and focuses his gaze on a vase, voluntarily not looking at his friend.

-Don't ever say that again. And stop looking at me like that.

With a mumble, Seokmin goes back to his work.

-If we can't even laugh...

~

-So what do I do? I'd like to go home and sleep Hansol.

They're in his apartment, but now, he's completely panicked. How do we do this kind of thing? It was a mistake. He shouldn't have asked it. Tiny little men are running crazily in his mind, blurring his ideas, mixing every thing in his head.

-Huh. Hum. Sit down and close your eyes please. Won't be long.

Seungkwan looks exhausted. As soon as he closes his eyes, Hansol holds his head.

_Oh my god oh my god oh my god. WHAT. DO. I. DO._

Boo Seungkwan is there, sitting on his sofa, eyes closed, at his mercy. A sweat drop runs down his forehead as the young man takes his hat off to run hands through his brown curls.

-I'm falling asleep Hansol.

-Yes, yes. Huh...

An adrenaline rush electrifies his veins, and in a finger snap, he finds himself sitting next to the blonde boy, holding him by the collar, their lips against each other. Seungkwan immediately opens his eyes and meets his, and he breaks the kiss. They're as surprised as each other.

-Oh.

Panic floods his body. He shouldn't have done it. It was a mistake. Seungkwan will hate him. He did it wrong. It's over.

But against all expectations, the blonde boy slides a hand on his nape, takes a deep breath, and kisses him again. Their hearts get carried away as blood floods their cheeks. The two boys forget all of their doubts.

Maybe it wasn't a mistake.

~

_Again._

Junhui wakes up drenched in sweat. Hopefully, this time he wakes up before getting definitely trapped in his nightmare, and he doesn't wake Minghao up. After a look at the silhouette wrapped in the blanket next to him, the young man gets up and leaves the room.

A quick check at the digital hour appearing on the oven makes him sigh and he opens the fridge to pour himself a glass of fresh water. It's two in the morning, but now he feels perfectly awake. Feeling uncomfortable because of his t-shirt sticking to his skin due to the sweat, he takes it off, letting out a relieved sigh.

Time to find something to do for the rest of the night.

~

The place next to him is empty. Minghao suddenly opens his eyes and sees the blank in the bed. Panic immediately floods his veins as he stands up, still half-asleep.

-Jun?

The living room is empty, excepting the cat looking at him with curious eyes, letting out a tiny meowing. The silence of the apartment is making his stress grows up too fast and his sight blurs as he almost runs to the kitchen.

-Junnie?

He's there. Letting out a sigh of relief, Minghao leans against the door frame, closing his eyes to adapt his heartbeat to normal again and avoid a pressure drop. Jun widens his eyes as he approaches, worries in his gaze :

-Hao? Are you okay? What's wrong?

It's only when he hugs him and that he opens his eyes that Minghao notices his lover's bare chest. He wraps his arms around his waist and whispers, seeing now perfectly :

-I was just afraid because you weren't in the bed...

Jun pulls him closer and covers his neck with kisses.

-You don't need to worry so much. I'm okay. I just can't sleep.

-I... suddenly can't either.

With a grin, Jun breaks the hug and catches his chin, resting the other hand on his hip, pressing his thumb under the pelvis. He tilts the head and asks with a playful voice :

-Really?

His whole body is already getting electrified with a million of tiny chocks when Minghao sticks their gazes together and whispers :

-Really.

-What a pity...

In a fraction of second, their mouths find each other as well as Junhui's hands naturally slide under his shirt, tickling his skin. His back is quickly crashed against a wall as he rummages through the lilac hair, filling his lungs with Junhui's breathing, tasting his tongue, feeling every parcel of skin he touched burning. It's hard to keep his hands only on his head, on his nape, on his face. But he remembers the last time he touched him. The last time his hands entered in contact with his back. He wants that moment to last.

He hasn't felt so alive in ages. His body is itching. His hands are craving to get rid of this overflow of fabric. When Jun feels too irritated, he breaks the kiss, panting, swallows his saliva and looks at Minghao's eager gaze. His hands are resting on his nape, tickling his over-sensitive skin with his fingertips. With a delicate strength, the eldest unhooks his arms, puts them around his waist and pushes his own body closer to his lover, their thighs now sticked against each other.

-There. It's much better.

Minghao doesn't have to be asked and immediately cuts his breath with a kiss again, his hands dancing on his skin just like he needs it. Between moanings and fast breathings, he discovers that body he already knows by heart. He never thought he'd have the opportunity to touch it one day. To have it. To feel it.

But right now he wants it.

He wants their skin to meet. He wants to sense the pression of their bodies sticked together. But he doesn't want to leave him even for a second, to feel the cold air of the space separating them. With an agile movement, Minghao slides both of his hands under Jun's thighs and lifts him up while he wraps his arms around his neck and deepens their kiss, locking his legs in his back.

The way to the bedroom is endless. It's so far away. Six seconds are actually more than hours when such a desire is consuming you. But soon enough, the bed is there, the net is ready to welcome them. As soon as Junhui's back hits the mattress, Minghao takes his shirt off and admires. Junhui is there. The envy in his eyes when he discovers his bare chest is electrifying. His hands are irreperably reaching for him, and when the dark-haired man leans forward, putting a knee on the bed, he immediately finds himself pulled to Jun and his oxygen is stolen by his mouth.

Finally. Some human warmth. Skin against his. The lead he took on the voices is making him feel so powerful. So strong. He's feeling like he could get the moon, already off the ground. Get the stars and spread them on every place Minghao touches him. The way he touches him, the way he caresses his skin just like a jewel, it's actually giving him so much strength. He feels capable of anything.

Wen Junhui thought he'd never forget his first time. He thought it'd be something inked in his mind forever. But right now, everything feels new. Just like a bloomed flower discovering the sunlight for the very first time. He wants to feel his hands everywhere, he wants to have his mouth on his forever, he wants him.

Wen Junhui wants Xu Minghao.

His past is erased. His pain has never existed. All that matters is that he's here, for and with him. There's just the two of them and nothing else.

It has nothing to the way he touches his flowers. But Minghao feels like a precious flower bud, blessed every single time Jun's fingers enter in contact with his skin. His palms are boiling on his back, on his neck, on his arms. His fingertips say so many things. There's some gratitude, a lot of care, but most of all, a growing demand for more. They share the same oxygen, their hair mix together forming a purple and dark chaos. He can feel his lover's heartbeat in synchronization with his own through his chest.

Xu Minghao wants Wen Junhui.

Moans. Impatience. Growls. Wrinkled sheet. Satisfaction sighs. Skin friction. Lips crashed together. Legs intertwined.

Trust. Pleasure. Love.

~

Later, when Minghao gets up and opens the window, the lighter click makes his lover open his eyes.

-It's been a long time since I saw you smoke. Do you really need it?

From afar, his silhouette is one of a god's one. At that right moment, Junhui wishes he could draw. Wishes he could ink this view deep in his heart for the rest of his life. And for a second, he understands what _he_ felt. Far, far away, the sun is already getting up and slightly lights Minghao's face as he chuckles and shrugs, raising the cigarette to his swollen lips with the same nonchalance that made his lover fall for him days ago.

-Only to soothe my emotions. I... all of this is very new. Not in a bad way! Of course not but... I'm a bit overwhelmed.

He didn't mean to be so honest. To feel all this things so strongly. But here's the truth : he definitely dived in love the first time he kissed him, and the more their relationship upgrades, the more he sinks in. And he doesn't ever want to get out.

The city is still asleep. It feels like they're the only two men alive. They have a whole world for them, the eternity, but most of all, they're in love. When the smoke has infiltrated his mind enough, Minghao looks inside and can't help but smile. Is that what it feels like to be fully happy? To have a heart filled up with nothing but love and joy? Is that what love looks like? Junhui tilts the head, his lilac streaks caressing his naked shoulder, and a sweet smile stretches his lips. That's what he'd like to see every single day of his life. That's what he wants to feel every single day of his life.

-You know... I think I might be in love. No, in fact, I love you. And I'm sure of it.

That's easy. Natural. Sincere. For a second, Jun looks surprised, but the next one he taps the mattress for him to approach, and reaches for his hand. The more they get used to have their hands in each other, the more Minghao finds it perfect. Their palms, their fingers perfectly fit and embrace together, just as if they've been created for each other. When he slides on the bed, Jun pulls him closer and whispers :

-I love you too Hao. I love you so, so much.

 


	5. Chapter 5

He's able to breath. He's able to live. He's able to love. And it's the closest thing to a good life he ever got. There's no need for words, no need for touch when Minghao's around. He can feel his aura shrouding him, protecting him. His beautiful eyes caressing him when he's working, his lips stretching in a thin but genuine smile when their looks cross, these tiny details are enough for Junhui to feel good.

The bonuses being the soft caresses in his lower-back when his lover passes behind him, their fingers intertwined under the table during meetings, the quick pecks on his lips when no one is looking. These things provide him an indescribable feeling, throw butterflies right in his heart, warm up his cheeks, fill his mind with love.

Days pass. Time flies by. Their chance elapse just like sand in a hourglass. Who knows if the timer has a floor, or if all their efforts are just wasted. With all the might of the world, Junhui can't avoid the fear growing in his stomach. It's a different fear from what he felt for years, but it's still uncomfortable. Hopefully, it's a fear that can be soothe, comforted. With kisses, sweet words, hugs, laughters, shared gazes.

The shop will soon be ready. Their project will be released, and the dices rolled. They'll just have to wait.

~

-Do we tell them it's obvious?

-Don't. It's funny.

For almost two weeks now, everyone has been watching, just like spectators at the theater, Seungkwan and Hansol's desperate attempts to hide their relationship. Even if Jisoo acts nonchalant, his heart melts at the view of the two young men's nascent love. Hansol doesn't freezes at Seungkwan's touch as he used to, now, his body naturally leans towards his boyfriend's one, as a soft pink tint covers his cheekbones. The florist, him, radically changed his way to talk : the jokes are still there, but something in his way to tell them, to look at Hansol when he speaks, shows how much care he takes to choose his words.

-They look like me in my youth...

Seokmin looks at his friend with a judging glare. He's leaning on the counter, chin resting in his hands, eyes closed, and a nostalgic smile stretches his lips.

-Don't talk like you're a dinosaur, Grandpa. You're still in the prime of your life. There's plenty of people waiting to fall for your pretty eyes.

The eldest slaps Seokmin's shoulder as he leaves the counter to carry a huge canister full of colorful gerberas. The metallic container hits the ground with a loud bang, making the walls tremble. Throwing a worried look at Wonwoo's door office, Seokmin lets out a sigh when no ones gets out of it to scold him.

-He's too occupied with business to care about your craps Seokmin. Be careful, because _I_ am really bored right now.

With an admirative look at the office door, the young man nods.

-You're right... he's got a lot of work these days.

A vicous smile stretches Jisoo's lips.

~

It was obviously not what kind of business Seokmin's interpreted.

Sheets spilled on the floor. Glasses lost somewhere on the desk. Loud sighs. Disheveled hair. Ease whining. Rummaging hands.

-N... not in the neck... ah.

Mingyu's lips roll up into a smile on his canines before he stops putting a hickey on his lover's skin. Attacking his jawline instead, he gets a frustrated growl as Wonwoo forces him to straighten up the head, thumb pushing his chin up.

-Not there either, I've got an image to keep darling.

Relying on his parted thighs around him, Mingyu crashes their mouths together, a grin still stretching his lips, Wonwoo's back arching towards him. He loves seeing his boyfriend so destabilized by him. Pressing his palms a bit more on his legs, driving his fingers deeper in the skin, a cute whimper escapes from Wonwoo as he deepens the kiss, clinging on his nape and back, losing it.

-What about the budget, boss?

-Fuck the budget.

-Lovely...

Sometimes, Mingyu thinks about all the time he spent being in love and not telling it. He thinks of all the opportunities he has been given to take a step towards Wonwoo, and simply pronounce a few words that could change everything. But he waited. As if his feelings sat in a corner of his mind and looked at him living his life without much need of love in it. But when they've been kicked out of their workshop, when he had to find a new place to work at, the feelings stood up : they waited for long enough, it was time to mess this well-ordered life a bit up. The flower was ready to bloom.

And _boom_.

Wonwoo's fingers playing with the elastic of his underwear, boiling his skin, suddenly bring him down on earth. He pulls his lover closer, urged to feel their chests against each other. Even sitting on his desk, Wonwoo still has to straighten up the head to kiss him.

-You're cute.

His boyfriend breaks the kiss, holding him a bit further from him, and designed himself with an offended look, panting :

-Seriously? Do I look cute to you? Right now?

His brown curls form a mess, he's breathing heavily, his shirt is half unbuttoned, his mouth slightly falling open. He's nothing but cute at that moment. If there weren't six other men on the other side of this stupid door, he'd say it. He'd show him that he has nothing to do with cuteness. But the six guys are here.

_You're hot as fuck._

-Mmh. Yes.

With a vexed chuckle, the young man gets down of his desk and starts closing the buttons of his shirt, tucking it in his pants.

-Time for the budget.

It takes a lot to Mingyu to not burst out laughing. Wonwoo really believes him. What a joke. Instead of telling him the truth, the tall man softly chases his hands away and fastens his shirt for him, dropping pecks here and there on his lover's face.

-But you know, I love you just the way you are.

He shakes his head, trying to arrange the streaks, and once Mingyu's done with his shirt, he gropes his desk to find his glasses. After putting it on his nose, he leaves a kiss on his lover's lips and smiles, showing him that he's not angry.

-Mmh. Budget.

~

-And say that I hated it at first sight.

A giggle. Hands sliding on his waist from backwards. Chin resting on his shoulder.

-That's not what you said at that time.

Jun absently raises a hand to stroke Minghao's hair, lost in admiration. His other hand finds his lover's arms, and he smiles, even if the painter can't see it.

-That's more the idea of what it was than the object itself that I hated. I love it even more now.

It's the first time since their very first kiss that they're alone in the workshop. He missed it. Seeing Junhui so happy and passionate in his work, a natural smile stretching his lips while his eyes are full focused on tiny details. Even now that their job is a bit different, even if the sword of Damocles over their heads is still there, threatening to kill everything in its path, the atmosphere is still as comforting as before, maybe even more.

He loves the paint and flowers scent evaporating to mix together in the air. He loves seeing these two universes becoming one. He loves to love Junhui's universe. He loves to love Junhui.

-That's really poetic. Peaceful. Thanks to you, it's a piece of art. The shop sales better increase with that.

Minghao lets one on his arm go and takes Junhui's chin to make him turn and stick their eyes together :

-It wouldn't be there without you. Thanks to _us_ , it's a piece of art.

That's incredible. All the things he's able to see in his dark irises right now. He can read. He can travel. He can dream. He can imagine. All the promises, the wonders, the things Minghao can offer him.

-Do you believe in ephemerality Hao?

It doesn't surprise him. Just as if he knew he was going to ask it. Just as if he's been knew everything from the beginning. He puts his chin on his shoulder again and smiles, getting lost in his thoughts.

-I believe that everything has a start and an end. That everything is meant to debut and finish some day.

-Even us?

He tightens his arms around his waist, smiles.

-Most of the things I believe in are fake. And I know for sure that true love exists. And can last forever. I've learned it. Recently.

Oh. His lips are found covered with Junhui's, and he notices how fast his heart is beating. However, he felt perfectly calm and serene. Just a natural reaction to his overwhelming love.

_I hope these sensations won't ever fade. I want to love you forever._

_~_

There they are. The day with a capital D. The one that will decide of their future. When everything can change or stop. When the Damocles sword can fall.

No hideout today. Everyone's too anxious for that. Eight men sitting behind the counter make it a really, really small place. Wonwoo is sitting at the front, nervously tapping on the wooden furniture while Mingyu is standing right behind him, arms wrapped around his shoulders, tracing circles on his chest with his thumbs. Minghao and Junhui could almost use a chair for two from how much they're close to each other, the painter almost sitting on his boyfriend's lap, both of them clinging on each other's hand as if their life was depending on it. The two youngest, them, still stay discreet, Seungkwan clutching Hansol's fingers behind his back, trying to contain his growing nervousness.

Hopefully, there's still Seokmin and Jisoo to keep a cool head. How many times did they try to tell them how useless it was to worry so much on the _first_ day? Sixty others will follow, nothing can be decided on the very first one.

-I definitely can't stay here. I'll suffocate. I'm gonna accost people in the street. Seungkwan, do you have the flyers?

The blonde florist seems to be torn from his thoughts and startles when Jun pronounces his name. With quick nods, he lets go of Hansol's hand and returns to the workshop before coming back with a pile of leaflets he hands to Junhui.

There's no need for him to ask if someone wants to come with him because Minghao immediately stands up and follows his boyfriend. There's something magic in their way to interact. A kind of attractiveness, an appeal that flies even above the gravity laws.

It's like they're in orbit around each other, but it is impossible to tell who the sun is in the couple. They're each other's sun, each other's anchor point. A whole galaxy shines in Minghao's eyes when they caress Junhui as he gets out of the store. We could almost see a trail of stars where his irises landed.

On the other hand, Junhui's body seems irrevocably strained to his lover's one. His fingers crave to touch him, to hold his. The smile continuously stretching his lips is for him and nobody else.

At this calming view, everyone seems to relax a bit and the six remaining men sigh in relief.

-We won't stay here all the day, let's work.

Wonwoo stands up, stretching his still half-asleep body and slightly leans backwards to stroke Mingyu's hair while lowering his arms. The day can begin, the sun can come up, their spell can fall.

The faith will decide.

~

It's long. Boring. The number of people entering the shop is small, and the number of the ones taking the flyers they hand can be counted on the fingers of a hand.

He wants to go home. He wants to take Minghao's hand and leave this too empty street. He wants to cut this distance separating them, knock down the barrier the road is building between them. All day long, they share smiles, sweet looks, but he's too bored to get satisfied of that.

The sun is slowly going down when he hears it. When he hears this voice. Not one of his head, but one in real life. He knows it. He knows it too well for it to not break his heart in a million of shards at the exact moment he recognizes it. Junhui has never been hit by a car, but he's wiling to bet it's less painful. His chest fills in with angst and when he looks up, it's already nothing more than a silhouette getting away. He doesn't need to see _him._ His voice is enough.

_You're pretty Junhui. You'd look good on a canvas. Can I paint you? Trust me it's worth it._

_I love you Junhui._

_~_

A loud bang makes Minghao startles as he's handing a flyer, and when he turns to see the place Jun was a second earlier, there isn't anybody. It doesn't take him long to guess that the bang was actually the shop door slamming.

Curious but also suddenly worried, the young man reaches the shop where his colleagues stopped working and are looking confusingly at the workshop door, closed. Even the few clients present there seem surprised.

-Is he there?

Seokmin hurriedly nods, understanding that there's an eventual problem, and Minghao enters the room, silently closing the door behind him. At first sight, no one's there. But it doesn't last long until he hears fast breathings from the back of the room. Slowly approaching, he soon enough discovers Jun, hiding behind a shelving, sitting on the floor, knees brought back to his chest. He doesn't react at his lover's presence and continues on puffing, staring at the void.

-Junnie? What's wrong?

The florist takes a deep sigh and finally looks up to him, eyes watering. Minghao immediately crouches down to get at his height and softly takes his hands, strongly gripping his knees, knuckles white. As his chest starts being lifted up faster and faster at every inhaling, the youngest puts a hand on his cheek, helpless.

-Jun talk to me. What happened?

For a second, he closes his eyes, and when he re-opens them tears silently roll down his face and he clutches his lover's fingers.

-It was him. That guy you gave a flyer to. It was him. The- My- He-

A trigger in his mind. As anger boils in his chest, his boyfriend bursts in tears and pulls himself off the wall to get in Minghao's arms.

He never really thought about this man. He never really thought about all the pain he inflicted Junhui. About how he ruined his life. But as his boyfriend tightens his sides with all his strength, trying to manage his sobbing, Minghao understands how much he hates this guy. He saw him. He smiled to him. He talked to him. And now, he hates him. But there's strictly nothing he can do about it.

-Jun. Junnie. Look at me please. Babe.

With a sniffing, the crying boy backs off, still strongly clinging on his boyfriend's sleeve. Wiping his tears with his thumbs tips, he cups his face and sticks their eyes together. His voice is hoarse, boiling with disgust when he talks :

-Listen to me. He broke you. But you magnificently rebuilt yourself. He's been the worst man alive, but you moved on. You're the bravest, strongest person I know Junhui. It's over, he doesn't deserve your tears, he doesn't deserve that you cry. He deserves nothing.

There's something hard in his eyes. A shield he's offering him. A promise to protect him. A promise to keep _him_ away of his life. Wrath slowly erasing from his face, a smile appears, transforming his eyes in half-moons, and Minghao wipes the remaining tears off his cheeks and caresses his skin, softly smiling.

-I'm here okay? I won't let anything bad happen to you. Let's go home.

~

He dragged him home, trying his best to control the crazy rage threatening to make him blow up. During all their way to Jun's place, he couldn't help but eyeing the whole world around them, keeping a protective and possessive hand on his boyfriend's waist. It was probably nothing but a coincidence, they probably won't see _him_ ever again if _he_ doesn't come to the shop, but he _has_ to make sure this man never approaches Junhui ever again.

He showed him a smile. He showed him sweetness. But it was only a cover for his disgust towards the monster _he_ is. A cover for his hate to see his boyfriend still so hurt years after. To see that the deep scar in his heart probably won't ever heal, even with all his will, all his efforts.

-Hao are you okay?

It's only when Junhui's timid voice resonates that he notices how absent he was. And how strong his grip is on his skin. He slightly loosens his hold and traces circles above Jun's shirt, in the hollow of his waist. Minghao nods, teeth gritting, still staring at the people around them with a defensive look.

Even once at home, he doesn't completely relax. The apartment became his second house in a short time lapse, and he loves how he feels more and more comfortable each day that passes. But even the sweet atmosphere doesn't succeed on erasing his rage. Going to the kitchen to prepare some tea, hoping that the drink will definitely turn him relaxed, Minghao leaves Jun alone in the living room.

It's stronger than him. Every move, every gesture is brutal, radiates his irritation. The cup hits the counter too loudly, he overfills the kettle, not careful of what he's doing. What can he do? What can he say? He wants to act, he wants to change something. He wants to make him pay. But how?

-Hey.

The young man startles violently at his boyfriend's entrance, spilling the tea box he was holding. Raising a hand to his heart, he turns and fakes a smile.

-You want some?

Junhui is frowning. He calmed down after they left the shop, tears have stopped and he looks okay, but the look he gives Minghao is concerned. Approaching, he slides a hand on his neck and caresses his skin with his thumb, sticking their eyes together.

-What's wrong? You've been tense since we left. Is there a problem?

His boyfriend's smile fades as he avoids Jun's eyes, fiddling his own fingers.

-No. I'm okay.

A sweet smile paints on the florist's face and he makes Minghao straighten up the head, soothing the thin line of his lips with his fingertips. Both of his hands are now cupping his face as he pushes himself closer to him. His lover naturally slides his arms around his waist and gives up on lying. He doesn't know how to lie and it shows in his boyfriend's eyes that he doesn't believe in what he says.

-I... I think I'm frustrated of not being able to do anything to that guy. He needs to pay.

Junhui raises an eyebrow, utterly surprised of Minghao's reaction. He wasn't prepared to that. He thought there was a problem about the shop, that he was nervous because of their day. He never imagined that his boyfriend could be resentful or have this kind of thought. With a sigh, Jun strokes his hair, looking for his words, and then places a hand on his lower-back, pulling him closer.

-There's nothing to do. As you said, he deserves nothing. The best decision we can take is to be happy together. Move on and live as if he never existed. Forget him. For me please. You're the one that can erase him from your mind.

It's a yes. A warm, slow and delicate yes. A promise from lips to lips, an untold swear to try. A vow to love him with his whole heart, to erase the most of his pain, to treat his wounds with dedication and care.

As their tongues dance together, as their hands wander on each other's body, as their souls combine, he understands. Minghao understands that life is a minefield, and that the only way to reach the end is to move on and, no matter what, never look behind.

Gestures can sometimes be so much meaningful than words. Acting can be so much more trustful than speaking. When Junhui ends up sitting on the kitchen worktop, crossing his legs behind Minghao's back, clinging on his nape, hands getting lost in his raven hair, when he kisses him with a boiling passion, he tells him. He shows him how thankful he is, how attached to him he is, how in love he is. When Minghao presses his strong palms on Junhui's shoulder blade with one hand and leans on his pelvis with the other one, when he drops burning kisses on his collarbone, on his neck, just under his ear, he promises. He promises him that he will never let him fall, that he will never make him suffer, that he will never break his trust.

Later that night, under the sheets, in the strict intimacy, in their own world, physical gates fall, full trust is given, one's soul exchanged, love words shared.

A starting point to a life where nobody can break them, can break their love for each other.

~

One month and a half passed.

One could almost forget what this shop went through. Everything looks peaceful, just right in place, just as it's supposed to be. Clients came, business ran.

The atmosphere is perfectly relaxed when the doorbell rings. Jisoo looks up from the sales log he was filling and welcomes the two newcomers with a smile. Having more responsibility for the business made him laid-back, gave him the sensation of being important.

-Hello, welcome to Blooming Scenery.

Seungkwan's head pops up from behind the counter as he smiles. He knows this two faces. One looks serious, the other one amazed, staring at the pieces of art with sparkles in the eyes. The blonde boy stands up and walks to Wonwoo's office, sliding his index finger on Hansol's back when he passes by.

The shop boss leaves his office with a smile, almost welcoming the bailiffs arms opened. Place has been made in the small room, clearing shelvings to add a second desk for Mingyu, who follows his boyfriend like a shadow, lips stretched as a bright smile.

-Welcome! Do you want something to drink?

Jihoon shakes his head, frowning, and elbows his assistant when he notices how lost in admiration he is, getting a startling and a deceived smile when the young man comes back on earth.

-You probably already know what I'm about to say, but it's the procedure. You-

-Wait! Everyone has to be there.

Hansol opens the workshop door, waving at the three men inside, and all the employees are soon enough gathered in the front shop. There's nothing to worry about. They just want to hear the new from the bailiff, the official announce.

Minghao squeezes Jun's shoulder, not able to hold back his bright smile as his boyfriend leans on him, arms crossed, impatience in the eyes.

-Your turnover is high enough. You can keep the shop. Come on Chan we've got work.

As everyone expresses his happiness in his own way, the bailiff waves at his young assistant, walking to the door, but the young man doesn't move.

-Wait a minute boss. Can I know what is the new concept? It's really interesting...

Making a vague hand gesture to the objects surrounding them, Chan smiles at Seokmin. The florist proudly smiles and straightens his shoulders, ready to talk.

-The concept is ephemeral art. Flowers are meant to fade, but art is supposed to last forever, so we decided to mix the two universes, as two jobs are present here, and it ends up as that! We kept place for flowers as their natural use and art as traditional paintings, but we also tried other things.

Jihoon is openly pulling on the young man's sleeve, obviously annoyed of Seokmin's explanations, but his assistant is too occupied to smile at the florist, everyone around watching them, amused. A bubble popped up around them, but it bursts when Jihoon slaps Chan's shoulder and the young man finally shakes his head, back to reality.

With one last smile, he waves at everyone -but not looking away from Seokmin, and declares :

-I'll come back, good luck!

The door closes, and everyone whistles, bugging Seokmin who furiously blushes and goes back to the workshop.

-Yay looks like I'll end up as the only single wise person here.

All looks turn to Jisoo who sounded annoyed but is brightly smiling.

~

They celebrated the official new era of Blooming Scenery all together, once the shop was closed. Every one has its place now, everyone is in charge of something special in the store. Each one of them remembered his first day of work, laughing or realizing how awkward it was and how much things changed.

But now, they're alone. The excitement has subsided and peace floats in the air just above their heads. They're dancing. Softly. Slowly. Some jazz music is playing in the background, their bodies are in symbiosis, their souls soothed by each other's presence.

After a moment, Minghao straightens up the head from Jun's shoulder and whispers with a smile :

-I've got something for you.

Surprise paints on his face as curiosity fills in his eyes. A smile stretches his lips as he lets Minghao go to take something on a shelving, his fingers remaining in the air for a second, tending towards him. 

-But I don't have anything for you.

When he comes back, the young man caresses his boyfriend's cheek with his fingertips and hands him a packaged frame.

-I've got you, that's enough.

With a chuckle, Junhui takes the packet and shakes the head, his lilac streaks swiping the air. He can't hide the curiosity leading his fingers to unwrap the paper when he eyes his lover.

-I didn't know you so cheesy. But I like it, I guess.

Putting a peck on his cheek, Minghao giggles and waits for Jun to open the gift, a hand resting on his shoulder, tracing circles just under his shirt. The care in his gestures is obvious, and the childish oddity in his eyes makes Minghao smiles.

But it fades as soon as he discovers the painting. Surprise. And right after, emotion. Overwhelming thrill. His fingers immediately tremble around the frame, the curiosity in his gaze lets place to tears.

-Oh babe... don't cry please.

He turns his watering eyes to him and a sad smile stretches his lips. His grip on the canvas is strong, he's struggling to hold back his tears, switching from the painting to Minghao, again and again.

-That's... beautiful Hao.

As his hands start shaking, his boyfriend softly unhooks his fingers to put the painting down on the table next to them. Sliding his arms around his waist, he lets Jun look at the draw above his shoulder.

The first thing that catches the eye is the flowery field. Full of colors, full of forms. And then, we discern a head. A blurred profile, as if it bloomed of a lilac flower. As the eye get used to the shapes, we understand that the flowers are covering the body of the pictured blooming boy.

When the wave of emotion subsides, Junhui looks at his lover, he looks at him and thanks him with his eyes, leaves a kiss on his lips. An eternal gratitude, a thank for saving him, for taking him out of the dark, for giving him so much love, for being him.

Minghao smiles, tightens his grip, hides his face in the hollow of his neck, pulls him closer, slides his hands up on his back, inhales the sweet perfume, exhales a warm breath against his skin, whispers.

He whispers something that gives freedom to the few tears Junhui held back, rolling down his cheeks to land in the black hair as he leans his chin against it. He's saved.

_It belongs to you._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so that's the end of this fic!
> 
> I really hope you liked it, it was the first AU I've ever written, and my first work on AO3. If you've got any advice to give me, or just want to tell me if you liked the story, it'd be a pleasure to read everything!  
> If you'd like to follow my on Twitter, look for user smoll_jane, I'll be right there! Even though there's nothing really intereting and it mostly consists of my breakdowns about Seventeen or me complaining about my life in French. 
> 
> See you for the next work!


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